


Zoe Jane

by Seasnake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Siblings, Angelic Grace, Baby, Interspecies Relationship(s), Kid Fic, M/M, Pregnancy, Pregnant Castiel, Pregnant Dean, Sam Ships It, Season/Series 06, Season/Series 07, Some Cursing, Soulless Sam Winchester, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thingstiel sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-01-09 10:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seasnake/pseuds/Seasnake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If at the end of season 5, instead of telling him to go to Lisa, Sam tells Dean to make it work with Castiel. Alternate season six following that change. And a baby, because pregnant Dean is genius. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

_Seasnake: If I was in Sam’s position I wouldn’t have told my brother (I have one) to go back to his ex. Tried to keep it cannon just changing that one thing._

_I wanted to keep in theme with the show. I tried to write this without the f word. I failed. Just so you know._

_On Dean/Castiel. Could everything in season 4 and 5 be interpreted as brothers in arms rather than romance? Sure. But then you get to season 7 and Dean is carrying Cas’ neatly folded coat around in the trunk of their stolen car. Yeah… if anyone can explain that without homosexual subtext, let me know. I would not do that for my dead brother or dead best friend, sorry. And considering season 6 was mostly tense interactions between the two I can only think that Dean was smitten by the end of season 5._

            “So then what the hell am I supposed to do?” Dean demanded when Sam told him to stop hunting after the apocalypse. 

“Retire, let someone else hunt the monsters. We’ve done our part, we’ve done more than our part. Dean, you’ve been hunting your whole life! I get it, you’re not going to be happy with picket fences I’m not asking you to be something you’re not. But you’ve got a good thing going with Cas. Don’t mess it up.”

“Cas? Really, Sammy? He’s a freaking angel.”

“Tell me he doesn’t make you happy.” Silence. “I thought so, with all the eye sex you have.” Dean opened his mouth to retort so Sam barreled ahead. “Look, I’m thrilled. I’m thrilled that you found someone who can put up with your shit. And Cas is one of the few people I’ve seen put an end to your self-sacrificing bullshit. Just give normal a try, alright.

            “Buy a house or at least an apartment instead of crappy hotels all the time. Get a garage for the impala, a job, be a researcher for other hunters on the weekends if you have to. Get married or whatever it is angels do. Adopt a kid and name him Sammy. Just for once in your life be happy.” Sam’s rant ran out of steam, Dean kept staring out the windscreen. “Alright?” he said slower, more desperate. “That’s what I want.”

If they survived this crazy thing.

            But they didn’t survive this. Cas was in tiny pieces, Bobby dead, Sam and Adam gone, and Dean was pretty sure he was bleeding internally. Or at least he hoped he was bleeding internally. He just wanted to pass out on the grass here and not have to stand up and keep fighting. Sammy was right, his job was done and he didn’t have anything else.

            His first thought was that he was imagining the sound of wings but Castiel was there when he turned to look. Alive and angel mojo recharged. Given the stress of whole mess and that Cas was standing in the sunlight all handsome and triumphant, Dean could not be blamed for kissing him. Nor could he be blamed for how soft Cas’s lips were or how he kept touching them with his own.

            Sometime later he pulled away. Castiel didn’t say anything and walked away, Dean was hurt for all of two seconds before he realized that Cas was going over to revive Bobby. Oh right, they were making out right next to Bobby’s dead body. Well, Bobby was up now and Castiel was eyeing Dean. The hunter started running through ways to laugh this off. He opened his mouth to say something when Cas strode forward, grabbed his face and smashed their lips together.

            It was not a good kiss, pretty painful actually. Cas clearly had no idea what he was doing. Their teeth knocked together and he held on too hard. But damnit it was Cas, dorky tax accountant angel, with his stupid deep voice, who had died for them twice now. He was a freaking celestial powerhouse that was older than dirt and just the idea that he wanted anything to do with Dean, that he chose to hold the broken down hunter like he actually meant something…

            Cas pulled them apart a few inches and cocked his head slightly. Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “Here,” he leaned in to show Cas how it was done. The angel finally relaxed and Dean pulled him close. This should not have been so sexy, Cas trying to imitate him and stubble against his cheeks instead of makeup or fruit flavored lipstick.

“Idjits,” Bobby rolled his eyes and headed back to his truck. This whole situation called for alcohol.

====

            “Dean.”

“Hm?” The hunter grunted half heartedly into the angel’s neck. They lay intertwined in the back seat of the Impala, Castiel’s coat draped over both of them. They weren’t cuddling, they just hadn’t worked up the energy to move post frenzied face sucking session.

“I need to return to heaven.”

“What?” Dean frowned, suddenly alert.

“With Michel in the cage it’s probably anarchy up there.”

 “So you’re gong to go play sheriff?”

“They’re my brothers. We are not made to disobey. They will need guidance, someone to explain free-will.”

Dean sighed, “yeah, I get it.” He sat up to untangle their limbs. Castiel recognized the sudden coldness in his movements.

“I will not forsake you, Dean.” No eye contact. “I love you.”

“Damnit Cas! Don’t…say that.”

“Why not?” Cas was all innocent curiosity and Dean couldn’t look at him. “Dean… your soul is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, unmatched even by the splendors of heaven. With you I know the grace of my father and joys of free will.”

“Cas…”

“I rebelled for you I died for you and I have no regrets. Dean, tell me truthfully if my leaving will make you happy and I do so now and not turn back.”

“Hold on, I didn’t say that. It’s just that l word is a lot to dump on a guy. Just…come back when you can, okay?”

“I will attempt to be swift with my brethren.” Cas nodded and pulled on his coat. “Pray if you have need of me.”

“Yeah.”

“I believe a goodbye kiss is customary.” Dean couldn’t help but grin at that. Their lips barely touched before Cas disappeared in a gust of wind.

==

            In an apartment building, Dean was arranging things to his liking. Castiel appeared and Dean motioned for him to sit down at the small table.

“I don’t eat,” Cas said when Dean got out burgers.

“I thought they made you very happy.” The angel reluctantly took it. “Speaking of which how is Jimmy?”

“Jimmy Novak’s soul is at peace.”

“So it’s just you in there? Good, because otherwise this might be awkward.” Dean leaned over to kiss him.

            “You died. God brought you back but you did die?”

“Yes.”

“Guess that means I broke my promise.” Cas gave him a confused look. “I said I wouldn’t let you die a virgin.” The angel’s eyes got bigger. “Want to make me a man of my word?” Cas turned into grabby hands and when Dean recuperated, frantically backed him into the wall. “Whoa,” Dean laughed happily as the flustered angel desperately and clumsily pressed into him.

“Dean.”

“Right here, Babe.”

==

            Unidentifiable time later and they were cuddled together in bed. They were busy lazily making out and didn’t notice Sam standing outside staring at them through the window.

===

            Dean rolled over in bed and happily found a warm body on the other side. He hummed contently and curled closer. “Are you awake Dean?”

“Am now. Busy night?”

“Heaven is in chaos.”

“Mm, maybe I should go up there and show them the ropes. I corrupted you easily enough.”

“I have no desire to share you, Dean.” They kissed once then Castiel sat up. “I will make you breakfast then I must leave.”

“No morning sex?”

“No.”

“Quicky in the shower?” Castiel prodded him onto his back. “You’re no fun.”

            Ten minutes later Dean entered the kitchen to find Castiel with pancakes and bacon. “I have to leave. Raphiel has sent for me.”

“Go show him who’s boss, babe.” Dean leaned over to give him a peck before the angel fluttered away. He’d gotten Castiel to accept goodbye kisses as a habit. A little girly perhaps but it was better than him poofing off without warning.

            Dean was doing what Sam asked, trying to make some honest money. He drove until he found a body shop where the owner appreciated the Impala like she deserved. Working on old cars for a regular check wasn’t that bad. It helped that he had Cas to return home to. It had only been a month since Sammy died and of course it felt like there was a giant hole in his chest whenever the thought about it. But maybe he could give this normal life, plus angel, thing a go.

            The other mechanics were nice enough and didn’t treat him any less like a man because Cas brought him lunch. One of the guys even told him congrats, if he swung that way he would be jealous of such a smoking hot boyfriend.

            Then Cas didn’t come back. He didn’t answer Dean’s prayers or phone calls. Three days and Dean does not deny that he is freaking out. Bobby’s only advice is to stop calling him every five minutes. And on top of it all Dean started puking. Two mornings in a row at exactly the same time, to the second; weird.

            Dean was trying and failing to focus on changing the oil on a Mustang when the familiar sound of wings got his attention.

“Cas?” He turned around but found his angel bent over leaning against the nearest wall. “Oh shit, Cas!” He was spitting out blood when reached him. “Jesus, what happened?”

“Raphael.”

“The ninja turtle?”

“The arch angel. He wants to rule heaven, restart the apocalypse.”

“You’re serious?” Dean maneuvered Cas to the closest chair.

“Yes.”

“We stopped the damn thing we aren’t going to let it start again.”

“That’s what I said when he knocked me out cold,” Cas continued grumpily.

“He can do that?”

“He’s stronger than me, a lot stronger.”

“Okay, you heal up. We’ll think of something.”

“There’s nothing to do. I’ll either submit or die.”

“Hey, look at me. We beat the damn apocalypse, we’re not about to loose to this dick.”

“You’re optimism although encouraging is misplaced.”

            Dean got Cas into their apartment and sitting at the table with a beer for some serious brainstorming. “So Raphael, he’s still an angel right? Holy oil and all that still works.”

“That won’t help if he has an army.”

“Army?”

“Many of my brethren will follow Raphael.”

Hold on,” Dean took a swallow. “Are we talking civil war, in heaven?”

“If I stand against him that is what it will be.” Dean swore under his breath. “I either die or fight my brothers.”

“Well dying’s not an option.” Castiel didn’t look convinced. “Look I get it, that dick is family to you but if he wants to restart the apocalypse. Sammy died to stop it you died twice.”

“I agree,” Cas said solemnly. “But even if my brothers fight with me, I am not strong enough to face Raphael.”

            “Alright, how do we get you more angel mojo?”

Cas shook his head, “our power comes from heaven.”

“God brought you back but he didn’t give you enough juice for this?” The angel ignored him.

“Souls. I would need to lead several thousand souls to heaven before I might match Raphael.”

“Several thousand?”

“He’s an arch angel.”

“Right…Guess my soul’s not enough then.”

“I’m sorry, Dean, an angel’s status comes from increasing the population of heaven. Before I and several others raised you from perdition, I was a foot solider.”

            “I believe this is where I come in,” said the smug accented voice that nobody wanted to hear.

“What the hell do you want?” Dean glared at Crowley.

“Just to chat, sounds like you’re in a bit of a spot.”

“Regardless, I will not be needing your help.”

“Oh really, and where else might you be getting the souls you need? Come on, I helped with the apocholipse didn’t I?”

“About that, have you given Bobby his soul back yet?” Dean demanded.

“Working up to it.”

“Bullshit,” he huffed.

            “Just hear me out. I’m the big man downstairs these days, got a castle and everything. Letting Lucifer out of the cage won’t do me any good. And honestly I like the idea of you feathered bastards killing each other. Keep you out of my way at least.” Castiel stood up Dean held his sleeve.

“Then you make a deal with the winning side?”

“Win, win, win for me. So what do you say? I’ll float you a loan. Say forty thousand from the pit. That should be enough to kick start your civil war.”

“And in return?”

“Win the war, you give them back.”

“No. I can not lead my brothers by making a deal with vermin.”

“What would the other angels care? The souls are already damned they’re just getting a few years vacation past the pearly gates. No harm no foul.” Dean and Castiel said nothing. “This is the sissiest deal I’ve ever offered and it’s about to expire in 5…4…”

“I’ll agree to your terms.”

“Cas!”

“This does not make us allies.”

“Course not,” Crowly smirked.

“I owe you no favors.”

“Just return the souls when you’re done with them and we’re square.”

“Cas, are you sure about this?”

“There is no other way,” said Castiel.

“Glad to hear it,” the demon said smugly then they both disappeared. A loud curse word was forming in Dean’s throat when Cas suddenly popped back right in front of him. He pulled Dean in for a quick desperate kiss.

“Have faith in me Dean, I will return when I can.”

====

            Dean was spitting the last of what used to be a burger and fries into the toilet when a warm hand appeared on his back. “Dean.” Angel magic soothed his cramping stomach, a little late considering he had already lost everything he ate yesterday.

“Hey, Cas,” he muttered as he stood and went to the sink to rinse his mouth out. The angel hovered next to him.

“You do not seem ill.”

“Other than vomiting every morning, I’m great.” Cas eyed him for a moment then placed a hand on his belly.

“There’s a mass in you’re abdominal cavity.”

“That’s bad right?” Dean glanced down where Cas was touching his shirt.

“Dean…” Cas looked as surprised as Dean had ever seen him. He slapped his empty hand over his chest as if feeling for something. “We’re pregnant.”

            “What? Sorry, who’s pregnant?”

“You are growing the body of our child.”

“No! No, Cas, I’m a dude.” He jerked away from the angel.

“That is irrelevant. The fetus will feed from your intestinal track and blood stream until it is large enough to be removed.” Cas recited while still feeling his chest with one hand.

“You’re joking.” Dean lifted his shirt but it all looked normal. He wasn’t fat or up any strange lumps.

“I had not noticed yet, but my grace is also swelling.” Dean was about to shout something but then noticed the panicked look in Castel’s eyes. “I am creating the grace for our nephilim.”

“Our what?” Dean repeated dumbly.

“Nephilim. Half-human half-angel. It will have both a soul and a grace. Of course, your human body is not designed to carry a grace so that is my duty.”

“So if I understand this,” Dean rubbed forehead to ward of a headache. “I’m pregnant. With half a baby. And you’re pregnant with half an angel baby. But they’re both parts of the same baby, our baby.”

“Yes when the nephilim is born it will become one living being.”

“Why didn’t you say something? I could have worn a rubber, man.”

“The exchange of fluids is secondary to the meeting of grace and soul.”

            “Awesome… I need a beer.”

“No.”

“What?”

“You mustn’t consume alcohol.”

“Are you serious?”

“You’re pregnant.”

“Cas, you don’t just take away a man’s beer.” The angel frowned then disappeared. The sound of the refrigerator door opening and closing came from the kitchen. “You took all my beer didn’t you? God damnit.” He came out of the bathroom to have Cas hand him a six pack. “Virgin beer? Seriously?”

“It says it tastes the same.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Cas kept holding it out so he took it.

            “Right, so, pregnant,” Dean opened one of the bottles and took an experimental swig.

“Dean, I realize this is not a good time.” Cas looked at the floor. “It is in the early stages, if you want it will take minimal effort to remove.” Dean almost chocked on his shitty non-alcoholic beer.

“You mean abort it?” Small nod. “Is that what you want, Cas?”

“I know it’s a bad time,” he muttered.

“Hey, I never said I didn’t want it.” Dean put down his stupid not-beer and went to the angel. “It’s going to be our kid. Of course I want it.” The stress left Cas’ posture and he leaned into Dean’s chest. “It’s not the best timing but that’s on us not the kid. The pregnancy thing threw me for a loop is all.”

            “We are carrying new life, may I say that I love you?” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean in that loving/ready to ward of enemies way that he preferred.

“Yeah, you can say that,” Dean sighed. “Hey,” he said after a minute. “Can we name it Sammy?”

“If you want.”

“Yeah, I kinda do.”

“Samuel?”

“I was thinking just Sammy.”

“Several names can be shortened that way.”

“So, if it’s a girl it will be Samantha?”

“Our child will be a nephilim. Like an angel it won’t necessarily be male or female.”

“Like you huh?” He played with the angel’s hair, or what used to be Jimmy’s hair. “Will I be able to look at our kid without my eyes burning out?”

“I don’t know.”

“That might be something to research.”

“I will see what knowledge can be obtained between battles.”

            “So, any names in mind?” They were talking about baby Sammy now, war could wait.

“Samandriel is one of my brothers.”

“I’m not naming our baby after any of your brothers.”

Cas thought silently for a moment then spoke. “Samaria.”

“Samaria? That sounds like a girl’s name.”

“That was the name of a city in 9th century BC Israel. It was beautiful and saw much war. I watched from a tower as they fought off a siege.”

“It was a place you liked?”

“One of many.”

“You know, sometimes I forget that you’re older than dirt. But that’s the name you want?”

“It is a gender neutral name that can be shortened to Sam in honor of your brother. Samaria is a fitting name for a nephilim.” Dean chuckled at the angel’s serious expression.

“Alright, Samaria it is then. Samaria Winchester. What about a middle name.”

“You choose.”

“And they’re going to be a Winchester.”

“Angels don’t have surnames.”

“Mary, Jo, John, Bobby. What do you think?”

“Samaria was my choice.”

“You know what? Let’s wait until the baby is born. See if he looks like a John or a Mary, I’ll decide then.”

“I like that,” Cas snuggled even closer.

            “So, how long till we pop?”

“What?”

“How long until Samaria’s born, Cas?”

“I don’t know.”

“Right, look into that.”

“We will need to prepare a safe place to give birth.”

            “About the war, if there’s anything I can do, anything at all. You’ll tell me, right?” With all his awkwardness and love to cuddle it was easy to forget that Cas was a badass solider of the lord.

“I don’t want Raphael’s soldiers to find you. If they learn that you with child.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Heaven is unorganized, it will be much harder to return you to life if you die. And I don’t know what the affects would be on Samaria.” Dean’s hand automatically moved to his abdomen.

“Avoid dying, no problem. That goes for you too. You’ve come back twice, let’s not make it a third.”

“I will do my best.”

===

            Sam showed up. Of course Dean was thrilled but there was something off about him. Dean had been to hell, he thought he knew what to expect but Sam was oddly…distant. Really, he had been on Earth for months without calling Cas or Dean. Something was up. And maybe Dean was being immature about it, but if he was so uninterested in family all of a sudden then he could wait to learn that he had a nephew on the way.

            There was no reason to not start hunting again. Cas was busy fighting so Dean should be too.

            Cas’ appearances were few and short. He popped in to say hi to Sam, no I don’t know what pulled you out of hell, and to have quick soul-sex with Dean. Apparently, it replenished his grace. He knew Cas was doing his best but it freaking hurt not to have him around.

            Ironically, Sam found them a case that involved a baby. And yeah, Dean read a few books so he knew what to do. Yes, he had read the stupid expectant parent books and it had been embarrassing but it was for baby Sammy so he sucked it up. And Sam could just sit there and laugh, he didn’t get to know that Dean was pregnant yet.

            The baby then exploded its skin and turned from a white baby to a black baby. Shifter skin goo dipper was almost as disgusting as the poop dipper. He was not looking forward to baby Sammy being a born. Priorities were talking, walking, and potty training.

            Everyone kept calling it a monster. It wasn’t the kid’s fault that its dad was a shifter. They better be nicer to baby Sammy. They thought he was protective of this kid wait until it was his own. Nobody would be making jokes then. Sure he wanted to trust that the Campbells were all accepting of the sifter baby but hunters didn’t raise kids. On that note, what the fuck was he doing?

 

            Worrying about turning into Dad would have to wait considering the freaky shifter alpha appeared and kicked their collective asses. For a second the monster was chocking him and all Dean could think was that he and his unborn kid were about to die because he was trying to keep this baby from its own dad, granddad? He was hoping Cas would show up and smite the bastard but the monster decided not to strangle him regardless so no-biggie. But damn, he needed to stop this almost dying shit.

            One day he’s goes to bed swearing up and down that he’s not going to keep risking his neck and the next day he’s following Sam’s dumbass new car to investigate two weird deaths. The only good thing about having two cars was that he could swallow his prenatal vitamin supplements and drink his milk in peace. Shut up. The one thing baby Sammy was not worth was rabbit food. He had compromised by having lettuce and tomatoes on his burgers instead of bacon. And he was eating his fries with ketchup, that counted. This baby could not be born soon enough and it better know how much he was sacrificing already.

            Their case turned out to be related to Cas’ war in heaven. Which sucked that it was getting out of hand and great that Dean could finally help in that area.

            The kid with the Moses staff said an angel bought his soul. Cas was in no-nonsense mode and knocked the boy out and brought him to the hotel room. He wanted to look for a mark on the kid’s soul even though it would hurt. Apparently, Dean was then only one of this group sane enough to find this objectionable. Really, Sam? Obviously this was important but would it be so bad to look for solution that didn’t involve torturing a kid?

“I can’t care about that, Dean, I don’t have the luxury.” Cas stopped being a solider for a second and looked sad. Dean backed off.

            Castiel pushed his forearm into the kid’s abdomen, like he did when he and Dean were having sex. Whoa, inappropriate time to have a boner. Castiel said the angel’s name out loud which prompted one of Raphael’s minions to show up and jump him. Oh hell no. Sam stood against the wall like an idiot while Dean went for his bag and then the angel swords when Cas knocked them away. Dean had just grabbed a sword with each hand when Cas decided it would be a good idea to jump through the window. Yet another hotel they were not going to be welcomed back to. Out the window Cas and the other angel had landed on a car. Which looked like it hurt. Dick angel disappeared which meant he was probably coming back for his knife, they didn’t transport back when someone was holding it. Hunter instincts kicked in again as Dean turned and stabbed the asshole in the chest with his own sword.

            “What the hell?” Was Sam’s comment after dick angel finished his mini-death-explosion.

“Yeah, civil war in heaven, hadn’t heard of that?”

“No, and that was my car.”

“Good aim, Cas,” Dean grinned as the angel popped back into the room.

“He must have followed me when I answered your call.” Cas took one of the blades from Dean, somehow able to tell them apart, and started going through the hotel cupboards.

==

            Balthazar turned out to be a dick, huge surprise, but at least he was on Cas’ side. And damn it all, Cas was so tense it hurt to look at him. That could not be good for the baby. By guilting him with that logic Dean got him into a hotel room for exactly one hour baring any emergencies.

            “Try to relax, Cas,” Dean instructed as he started kneading at the angel’s neck. He could give a good back rub when he needed to. It helped injuries heal faster and Sam went through this zen master phase in high school.

“I can’t.”

“Danger stress isn’t healthy to have on all the time. Sam would lecture me about it if he was normal. I’m not even sure if he is Sam.”

“Stress, talk about something else,” Cas groaned, finally malleable under Dean.

“Sammy’s not giving me morning sickness anymore.”

“Alcohol.”

“Haven’t had any. I hate you both.”

“Hmmm….”

“Nephilim are supposedly giants, how big of a baby are we looking at?”

“Human sized at first. It’ll grow.”

            “Do we have due date yet?”

“10 months.”

“That could work. I’ll talk to Bobby about getting a room for him set up once we figure out what’s wrong with Sam.”

            “Dean, if I’m not satisfying you as a mate, I would not mind if you sought temporary company elsewhere.”

“Sorry, what?”

“I am not available and you have expressed before that ‘men have needs’.”

“I’m not going to cheat on you.”

“I won’t take offense.”

“Well, I’m not that guy, Cas. You should know that.” Dean frowned. He wrapped his arms around Cas’ shoulders. Two nights together and become obvious that Cas liked hugs but he was awkward about initiating touching so Dean tried to indulge him. “I’m pregnant with your kid man, I don’t know if I could get it up for anyone else. Maybe if I was drunk but that’s obviously not going to happen.” Maybe it was just his imagination but Cas seemed to lean into him more.

“You will be a good father, Dean. You have already proved yourself better than your father by caring for Sam and his failings are not the fault of your guardianship.” “Where’d that come from?” Dean tried to laugh off the suddenly heavy mood.

“You are concerned, you needn’t be.” Cas turned in his arms to look up at him. It wasn’t ‘eye sex’ it just felt completely normal to hold the gaze. Without breaking eye contact Cas started to move closer. “I wish to reassure you with, physical intimacy, that I knowingly chose to carry your nephilim.” Now there was eye sex. Dean leaned back so that Cas could crawl on top of him.

            While not the worst of the monsters in Dean’s book vampires were honestly a bit disgusting. Red meat, sure but blood? They hung out in crappy nests, didn’t shower, and were human enough to have BO. No thanks. So why the hell was this book a best seller? What was with this chick’s room? Was it bad that he didn’t want Sammy to be a girl? He’d rather not worry about the weird phases and crushes teenage girls had. Jo would kick his ass for that but he’d slept with enough girls going through a bad boy phase to know it was real. And if Sammy inherited his looks plus Cas’ blue eyes, fighting off hopeful boyfriends would be a full time job. Or girlfriends if Sammy inherited his uncle Sam's poor taste in women.

            “You better not get into this kind of crap,” Dean muttered and poked at his abdomen.

“Dean, focus,” Sam complained from where he was going through the missing girl’s computer.

            The girl visited a “Black Rose” bar. Emo chicks everywhere. Even if he wasn’t committed to Cas this was not the kind of place he would go fishing. Too weird and too much rubber. He ordered a beer so strangely behaving Sam wouldn’t be suspicious but he didn’t pick it up. No loss, it was a funky brand anyway. Didn’t girls this age usually travel in packs for safety? Sammy would not be allowed this kind of nonsense.

            How were they supposed to find a real vampire in this place and… there were two dudes kissing. Back to thinking about Sammy, he could be a cool dad about that. Yeah.

“I’ll make you a deal kid,” now he’s talking to his stomach like a mental patient, “you can be gay as long as you don’t do it in a shitty place like this.”

“You say something?” Sam asked.

“No.”

“There they go,” he nodded to the couples.

            Dean followed one pair outside and ended up ruining their freak themed make out session. He was heading back to Sam when an older guy from no where gave him a random complement. Did that ugly hippy vamp just call him pretty? But that was not his first thought when the vamp decided to shove blood down his throat. No his first thought was, “Oh fuck, oh fuck, what’s this going to do to Sammy?”. Could vampires even be pregnant? This was worse than dying. At least he had experience with dying.

            Sam dragged him to the hotel room, probably a good thing because Dean was too busy panicking and praying to worry about where he was pacing. “No, Sam, I’m not calming down!” Then quietly, “I know you’re busy, Cas, but I really need you down here. It’s not about me it’s about Sammy. Sam, stop talking!”

“Dean.” Cas appeared a few feat away, he sounded and looked out of breath. His blade was out and he stood as if he had just been running.

“Cas, vampires!” The angel strode right up and ran a hand down his torso.

“There’s a cure. Take it, consume no human blood, and there will be no damage.” He touched where Sammy was and Dean sighed with relief.

“What cure?” Sam asked. Man, his voice was loud with this vamp hearing. Cas turned his angel laser look on Sam for a few moments.

“You know that Samuel Campbell knows it. Call him. Prepare it,” he commanded then looked back at Dean. “I need the one that turned you.” Dean helped his mind-reading stare along by thinking of the ugly bastard. Flutter of air and Cas disappeared.

            “There’s a cure?”

“Apparently,” Sam shrugged, disturbingly nonchalant about this whole thing. “I’ll call Samuel.” As he was getting out his phone Cas flew back into the hotel room with a passenger. The dirty haired vampire looked confused for all of a second before an angel blade took his head off. Cas stood over the bleeding corpse and looked at Dean.

“You have what you need. I must go.” And he was gone.

            Sam was willing to wait for Samuel to make the long drive but Dean grabbed the phone from him and demanded the list of ingredients. Thank goodness the old hunter cared about his grandson not dying because he gave it without a fight. Even while helping Dean set up the potion Sam kept asking about the vampire nest. They would get that in a minute! As if he needed any more evidence that Sam was acting strangely, taking the cure jogged his memory that Sam had just stood by and watched while Dean was attacked.

            Dean locked himself in the bathroom once he could stand. He lifted his shirt to check on Sammy. He’d only gained a little weight so far and could feel a small lump. Everything seemed okay so he pulled the hem of his shirt back down. He took an extra minute to compose himself so that he could go hunting with not Sam without giving himself away, then joined his fake brother in preparing to raid the nest.

            Fortunately, all the vamps in the nest were pretty young and easy to kill. A big recruitment drive was going on apparently. At least baby Sammy was safe enough. Which left Dean able to focus on the thing that was not his brother.

==


	2. two

            Bobby was annoyingly unhelpful with the Sam situation. “I’m looking into it, sit tight.” He didn’t get any more sympathy from Cas. The angel ignored his prayers for a whole day.

“Cas, I know you’ve got a war going on but I’m sharing a hotel room with what might be Lucifer,” Dean grumbled and glared at his fake beer.

“It’s not Lucifer.” Dean jumped and turned around to find Cas leaning against the far wall.

“What the Hell, Cas? I’ve been calling you all day. I’m on red alert here.”

“I have nothing to offer. I know only that it is not Lucifer.” Cas at least looked apologetic. He held out a bottle to Dean that was labeled as alcohol free whisky. Dean frowned a second longer then picked up a glass.

“How can you be sure?” He held out the glass for the peace offering. Cas opened the new bottle easily and poured him some.

“Because if Lucifer escaped the cage, we would feel it.”

“Then what is wrong with him?”

“I don’t know, Dean, I’m sorry.”

            Dean kept frowning but Cas looked down at his belly. “You’re showing.”

“Right now it just looks like an extra burger but Sam’s going to notice, soon. And I don’t like it.” Cas looked thoughtful for a moment.

“You’re concerned for Samaria’s safety?”

“He watched me get turned, Cas!” The angel gave a serious nod.

“Then we will deal with this now. Can you restrain him if I leave to make a few inquiries?”

“Yeah, I’ll go get him,” Dean said gruffly and took an extra big swig of his drink. His manliness would not be compromised by lack of alcohol.

“Pray when you need me.” Cas kissed him goodbye.

            Dean knows when to catch Sam unarmed. He gives some BS for why he didn’t stop the vamp but didn’t put up that much of a fight. It wasn’t too hard to get him tied to a chair. As promised Cas came back from a strategy meeting with his troops. Dean still wanted to help with that.

            Castiel stuck his hand in Sam’s chest to check his soul but couldn’t find it. So, Sam finally had a diagnosis, missing soul. And while that sucked at least it wasn’t some monster pretending to be Sam. They needed to check if Samuel had the same problem or not so they packed up Baby and Cas went back to heaven to work on his own problems for the duration of the drive.

            When they got to the Campbells the hunters were busy preparing vials of blood. Sam stopped to give Christian a hug then they went in to talk to Samuel.

“The day you got back, what happened?” Dean asked.

“We’ve been over this.”

“Well, recap it for our wingman.” Cas new his cues and appeared near the old man.

“This is Castiel?” Samuel looked up at the angel. “You’re scrawnier than I pictured and more male.”

“This is a vessel, my true form is sexless and approximately the size of your Christler building.”

“Alright, alright, stop bragging,” Dean turned the conversation back on track.

            Samuel’s soul was apparently all there and he was pretty surprised to hear about Sam’s problem. They were talking when Cas started staring out the window.

“Dean, I must return.”

“Already? How bad is it up there?” Dean frowned.

“It’s war.” Cas walked up to Dean without hesitation. “I’ll return when I can.” Dean glanced at his grandfather and leaned away but Cas grabbed his face and laid one on him before disappearing, anyway.

“Invite him to share a beer next time,” Samuel shrugged off the PDA.

==

            Samuel admitted that he had a lead on the alpha vampire. It took a bit of convincing before he let Dean join the hunt and even then he stuck him on guarding the truck duty. Really? Pregnant or not he’s not sitting on the sidelines being useless. He’d be less pissed if baby Sammy was the reason they benched him.

            Dean snuck around the back of the house but it looked like the fighting was over. Then he caught sight of Sam, Samuel and the others leading a tied vamp into the back of a van. He knew something was up. He hurried back to the truck and Gwen was nice enough not to rat him out for his excursion.

==

            Dan and Sam crept down to visit the alpha vamp’s cage. Just like Sam expected Samuel was there trying to interrogate the monster. When dear old grandpa stepped out Dean figured he might as well ask a few questions. It’s not like the freak was going anywhere.

“Dean,” the vamp said haughtily.

“I didn’t realize we were on a first name basis.”

“Of course we are, after all you were my child.”

“Hardly, I didn’t even grow my big boy fangs before taking the cure.”

“Oh, yes how is fallen one?”

            Dean electrocuted on principle for that. He could apparently smell that Sam was soulless and didn’t give them anything useful other than a few cryptic words about a mother. That’s when Samuel came back. He was pissed, dragged them into the hallway and started demanding answers as if he had any right to considering how secretive he was being. The showdown might have gotten even uglier if the alpha hadn’t gotten loose. Dean knew that was a bad idea. Fortunately the others finally agreed with him and they went after the freak to kill it.

            They split up to corner it. Dean didn’t see it but heard the sounds of Sam fighting and ran to help. Dean and Gwen came into the room just in time to see Christian with black eyes stab the vampire with deadman’s blood. Then demons suddenly showed up, grabbed the vamp, and popped back out. What the hell? Dean barely had a second to register what happened when Crowley appeared.

            “Wait, you two know each other?” Dean gestured between Samuel and Crowley.

“Not like you and the angel, more of a business relationship I’d say.” The demon was far too smug. He pulled Samuel out of hell to be his vampire collecting bitch.

“We’re not your employees,” Dean snapped.

“Sure you are, have been for a while now.” Go figure Samuel was leading everyone else along.

“Yeah well, games over.”

“Yeah well ‘fraid not. Not if you want to see Sam’s soul ever again.” That gave Dean pause.

“You’re bluffing,” Sam didn’t believe it either.

“Tell ‘em Samuel.”

“He pulled us both back, Sam.” Even speaking when prompted.

“What you knew?”

“No, Cas says it takes major mojo to pull something like that off,” Dean intervened.

“King of Hell, remember? Believe me I’ve got the mojo. I snap my fingers Sam gets his soul back or you can be you and I shove Sam right back in the hole.” Dean was going to kill this guy. “Job’s simple enough, bring me creatures.”

            And after that revelation Samuel still had the balls to act like he was in charge. Sam was up for shooting him in the face but what good would that do? Dean made it clear how angry they were then let the old man go. Which just left the problem of what to do next.

“I need to call Cas.”

==

            Cas finally answered Dean’s prayers the next morning. The hunter quickly shooed his soulless brother out of the room then explained the situation.

“If Crowly locates purgatory he will have a formally untapped well of souls to cement his leadership in hell. That kind of power could determine the war in heaven.”

            “So Crowly wants it. What about baby Sammy?” Dean asked, of course he wanted Sam’s soul back but he was also going to be a father soon.

“If you defy Crowly he will wonder what is more important than Sam’s soul. It is better to not raise his suspicions.”

“You want me to work for a demon?”

“I don’t want any of this, Dean. But until find another way to free Sam you have no choice.”

“You are working on those other ways, right?”

“Of course, your brother’s problems always comes first,” the angel bit out with more anger than Dean had heard in a while. Cas looked ready to fly off but Dean didn’t want to leave it there. He could vaguely remember his mom and dad, who loved each other, holding grudges for days because of something stupid, or at least stupid to a four year old.

            “Hey, Cas!” He latched onto a coat sleeve before Cas could disappear. Now that he wasn’t going to run, Dean let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry, Babe, I know you’re doing your best.”

Cas sighed as his frustration was overtaken with sadness. “My brothers won’t listen. The fields of Heaven are covered in our dead.”

“I know, Cas.” The angel probably wasn’t going to cry but Dean tucked his face into his shoulder just in case. “We’ll figure this out.”

“Our child will be born in a matter of months. It will be born into a world of blood and death.”

“Things are bit messed up right now but kids never remember the first couple years of their lives. It’ll be fine.” Cas finally relaxed a little bit as Dean rubbed circles into the back of his neck.

            “I apologize for my sarcasm. I haven’t had a chance to rest recently.”

“Catch a few winks with me?” Cas gently shook his head and looked up at Dean.

“I must return.”

“Be safe, alright?”

====

            Dean called Bobby while the grabbed lunch at a BBQ joint. He had a craving for jalapeño barbeque sauce, apparently Baby Sammy liked spicy food.

“Keep digging. If Crowley thinks we’re going to…” Bobby needed to stop this unhelpful streak.

“If Crowley thinks what?” Demon invading his personal space. “Is that Bobby Signer? Give him a kiss for me.” Still bitter about Bobby getting his soul back at least. “I’ll call you back,” Dean sighed into the phone before hanging up.

            Screw making him suspicious, Dean wasn’t working for this bag of dicks.

“Ten quid says you will,” Crowley smirked. Yeah right, and what the hell’s a quid? The bastard then had the audacity to reach over and set Sam’s hand on fire. “You need to stop thinking of this as some kind of deal, this is a hostage situation you arrogant little thug. I own your brother do you understand me?” Dean gritted his teeth, he couldn’t watch his baby brother in pain, soul or not. Crowley snapped his fingers to turn off the burning then got all smug again. “I know what you’re thinking. Go ahead, call your feathered fuck toy, he can’t help you.” Dean focused on not punching him in the face.

            Crowley’s case looked like a werewolf. Except their main suspect spent all night drinking crappy beer with crappy company before getting ganked himself during the daylight. That on top of Sam being overly enthusiastic to throw someone into the trunk of the car, this case was getting frustrating.

            Against maybe his better judgment he left Sam on stakeout duty and went over the crime scene. He couldn’t find anything and had some alone time in the hotel that he used to check on baby Sammy. He definitely had a stomach now. Nothing weird looking but not his normal six pack.

“Hey you.” He patted his belly. “You can’t hear me yet can you?” he sighed and put his shirt back down. Not bothering to cover his exhaustion he went the kitchenette to for a drink. “Dear Castiel, keep kicking ass. Come home when you can.” That’s when Sam called to let him know their target was a skinwalker that they needed to pick up from the vet.

            Just like the vampires the skinwalkers were in the middle of a recruitment drive. At least Lucky, the gangly former hobo turned German Sheppard, was willing to turn on the pack leader to protect his family. Which just left the task of shooting the bastards. Silver bullets made it easy enough. They took down the pack but Dean didn’t have the heart to sniper Lucky. He could have, he probably should have, the dude killed four people. But he was trying to protect his family and…screw it. Whatever happened to him, it wouldn’t be Dean’s fault.

==

            Fucking soulless Sam was fucking creepy. No two ways of saying it. He wasn’t even pretending to care about anything anymore and it was just weird. Good thing robo Sam had no instincts otherwise he would have guessed something was going on. Amazingly, he bought that Dean’s drinking and eating habits had changed because he’d lost a bet with Cas. He just assumed that the beer looking bottles were beer instead of fake crap and didn’t question why Dean had a bottle of vitamins with the label ripped off. Hopefully he continued to be clueless because that would not be a fun conversation.

            Abductions. Not aliens, UFOs and big foot are the only things allowed to be fake anymore. Angels used to be on that list then Cas happened. Still, something with juice was nabbing people.

            Dean went to investigate the crop circles, hoping to find something other than knocked over corn. Sam called right before he started seeing flickering lights. More golden and saucer shaped than angel light. UFO or not he was running for it. It caught him anyway and then he was in some strange glowing place that didn’t feel like heaven or hell and glowing people were tugging on him. Oh hell no! They seemed surprised when he fought back and thankfully scattered when he started shooting. 

            He was dropped back into the cornfield without warning. He looked around but there weren’t any tiny glowing people. He then lifted his shirt quickly to check on Sammy. Everything seemed fine except his phone and car were gone so he had to walk back to town.

==

            The hippy chick collected her things which left Dean alone with RoboSam who apparently no longer cared if he went missing.

“You’re upset?” He guessed. “Is this because you haven’t had sex in a while?’

“What?”

“Well, Cas hasn’t been around lately and you’ve been taking really long showers.”

“No! That…” Dean took a second to compose himself. “I was abducted and you were banging trailer chick.”

“I don’t think she smelled that bad.”

“I was abducted by aliens!”

“I was working on it.”

“‘Working on it?’ I was gone for an hour. And most of that was walking back to town.”

“Your watch must be off you’ve been gone all night.”

“What? No I haven’t.” Sam held out his phone that read 4:03. “Four a.m.?”

“UFO timeslip!” Sam was way too happy about this. Dean sat down heavily on the non-rumpled bed. Sam offered him a drink and the swallowed it without even thinking.

            Only when he got up to take a quick shower did he notice the glass in his hand. “Shit.” He set the drink down. Glanced between the toilet and his belly. “You better appreciate this, Kiddo.”

            As if things couldn’t get weirder, Dean then got attacked by a tiny naked lady, followed around town by an invisible hobo, and accidentally tackled a little man. The fairy did that on purpose, he knew it. Hopefully soulless Sam could fight the fairies by himself.

            Soulless Sam could officially not fight fairies by himself. He took so long that hobo fairy had a chance to come into his cell and go a few rounds. It’s not easy guarding a baby belly from super strong punches.

==

            Dean didn’t know how long he could keep working for Crowley and his dick demon lackeys. Even more worrying was that his belly was getting pretty damn obvious. If he was five hundred pounds maybe, but with the rest of his physique no way that was all burgers. Sam was going to notice or worse Crowley. Nothing to do except wear extra loose clothing and try not to draw attention to it.

            Back at their hut Dean voiced his complaints only to have Sam get snappy.

“Alright, let’s go with plan B then. Oh wait, we don’t have one. So unless Cas is going to start being helpful,”

“Hey, he’s in the middle of a war, Sam. He’s doing what he can.”

“Which other than showing up for occasional Dean Cas time, isn’t much.” Dean didn’t respond to that and went to get a drink.

“How do we know that Crowley’s even going to hold up his end?” He turned back around but Sam was oddly missing. Hunter vibes triggered, he grabbed his gun but still got jumped.

            He woke up tied to a chair and oh joy Meg was back. With Crowley king that left her little posse nowhere to go. Good, let her die a painful death. But then Sam decided, you hate Crowley, we hate Crowley, let’s be Crowley-hating buddies. Promising to give her Crowley got Meg and company to leave but it was a terrible idea. Meg would double cross them in a heartbeat.

            “We’ll have insurance. Give Cas a call.”

“The dude’s busy.”

Sam snorted. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about his pissing match with Raphael. He owes me.”

“What…” Dean started but Sam talked over him.

“He puts out now so you fawn all over him. If he was my friend what would you be saying? He’s busy fighting this questionable war that nobody can help with. He never comes when you call. Ever think that he just doesn’t care? But whatever, as long as you’re getting your rocks off.”

“You have no right to question my loyalty.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Hello Dean, I have time before the next battle. What do you require?”

“What I need is to skip the interspecies make out session and find Crowley.” Souless Sam was a dick.

            Cas tried a demon finding ritual but Crowley was hidden from him. That left the hard way so Dean led the raid on Grandpa Samuel’s attic. They were going through papers and maps when the old man caught them.

“What do you want?”

“We want to know where Crowley is,” Dean demanded but Samuel just gave him bullshit. “What is wrong with you? Do you want to work for Crowley?” Samuel broke eye contact to glance guiltily at the floor. “You’re our blood if you don’t want to help us I can’t make you but I just gotta know why,” Dean wasn’t angry with those words, just confused and hurt. Samuel considered for a minute then went to a trunk and removed a picture that he passed to Dean.

            “Crowley’s going to bring mom back from the dead?” Dean looked at the photo of a young Mary.

“Tell me you don’t want her back.” Heavy silence hung in the air. Cas took a step closer to look over Dean’s shoulder.

“I get how you feel,” Dean tried.

“No you don’t. She’s my daughter and she’s dead and I can do something about it.” Dean’s hand reflexively went to his stomach.

“I don’t know what that’s like. Not yet. But I do know Crowley’s not going to make going to make good here.”

“You don’t know that. He brought Sam back! And me!”

“Trust me, don’t go down that road,” Dean shook his head.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying stop trying!”

“Dean,” Cas murmured and put a calming hand on his shoulder. He knew bad memories were coming up.

“Mind your own business, angel,” Samuel growled.

“My business is with Dean,” Cas stressed the words but wasn’t overly hostile. “Unless you have a contract, the demon is not bound by promises. It will not benefit him to return Sam’s soul or Mary Winchester.” Samuel was looking pissed at Cas but Dean jumped in.

“We will find another way, okay?” 

“…I’m sorry, Dean, but…”

“Fine!” Dean turned his back on the older man. “Fine, bring her back but what are you going to tell her huh? You going to tell her that you made a deal with a demon that you wouldn’t help out her son?”

“Alright that’s enough!” Samuel shouted. He and Dean glared at each other with Sam and Cas looking between the two of them. “Just get out.” Dean didn’t say anything and went to the door. He held it open as he waited for Cas and Sam to follow.

            Some time after that disappointing meeting Sam and Dean sat at the table doing research while Cas eyed the television.

“Dean, I don’t understand.”

“Understand what, Cas?” he didn’t look up from his papers.

“If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter why does he keep slapping her rear?” That got the brothers’ attentions. “Perhaps she has done something wrong?” Head tilt.

“You’re watching porn?”

“It was there,” barely spared Dean a glance.

“Cas, porn is one of those private things that we don’t talk about around other people. Just turn it off.”  The angel looked down at his lap.

“My vessel is aroused.”  
“Not a good time, Cas.” Dean face palmed.

“I have observed mating before. It must be because I have experience,” Cas continued to puzzle over this mystery out loud. Sam stifled a snort of laughter.

“Was Dean the baby sitter or the pizza man?” Dean dropped his hand to glare at his smirking brother.

            A knock at the door ended that nightmare of a conversation. Samuel came in only a few feet.

“Hope I’m not interrupting something.”

“Nope. Cas, turn it off.” This time Cas obeyed.

            Samuel gave them the location of Crowley’s hideout but refused to come with them on the raid. They called a quick meeting with their new demon friends. Cas thrilled about this arrangement either but apparently soulless Sam knew how to negotiate with demons. He talked Meg into giving back Ruby’s knife and got away with stabbing one of the bastards.

            Dean was busy gathering supplies for the impeding fight when Cas brought up a new concern, like they needed more of those. Sam had been trapped in the cage with a bored Michel and Lucifer and his soul might come back with some major baggage attached. Dean tried to explain, they had to take the chance. That android outside was not his brother, he couldn’t even tell him they were pregnant. What would happen when the baby was born?

==

            Crowley had hellhounds guarding the halls. The bitches grabbed Meg’s two toddies. Which fortunately slowed them down enough to get a door closed between them and the feeding frenzy. Meg tried to smoke out like a coward but there was a spell in place that bound her to the woman she was inside.

            Sam offered her the knife back so she could hold off the hounds. She nodded but then instead of taking the knife she grabbed Cas’s neck and kissed him. Dean had a few choice words on the tip of his tongue but the angel responded appropriately. He shoved her away and pinned her against the wall with a hand at her throat.

“Just trying to borrow your sword, Sexy.”

“Then ask.” Cas thrust the silver weapon at her.

“If we live through this, how about a threesome, boys?” Meg smirked pointedly at Cas and Dean. Cas seemed to mill that statement over but Dean interrupted that by hurrying him down the corridor.

            They continued deeper into the compound until Cas disappeared in a flash of light. A banishing? But how… Samuel stood at the bottom of the stairs with an angel banishing sigil. He sold them out. And then he had the balls to show his face at the cell Crowley’s minions had tossed Dean into.

“I just want you to understand,” the old man sighed as if this was hard for him. He wasn’t the one about to die.

“Oh I understand, that you’re a liar. You talk about putting blood first, which is funny because you sound just like my dad difference is he actually did.”

“I am putting blood first.”

“Oh give me a break!”

“Mary’s my blood! My daughter! Don’t look at me like I sold you out. You betrayed your own mother it was her or Sam and you chose Sam. Plain and simple.”

“That is such crap, you want to know what really happened? You chose a demon over your own grandsons!”

“See it how you want. I don’t even know what Sam is. And you…you’re a stranger.” Dean laughed. “No really, tell me what exactly are you supposed to be to me?” Dean put a hand on his pregnant belly.

            “My kid, when I had one, I was going to name it Mary. Oh good Samuel’s back maybe my kid can actually have some extended family! Well, you blew that. Now I’m just the guy you never want to see again. Because I’ll make it out of here, trust me. Next time you see me, I will be there to kill you.”

“I don’t think there’s going to be a next time.”

“Whatever gets you through the night.”

“That angel you treat like family, it’s not getting you out of this.” Samuel closed the window.

            A moment later the two demons came into the cell. They dragged Dean out past where Samuel stood watching. Dean put up a token resistance but mostly saved his energy for whatever was coming next. They brought him into a tiled filthy room that had definitely seen better days. Crowley was standing there waiting for them. The demons didn’t let go of his arms.

“Hello Dean,” he smirked as if almost mocking Cas’s greeting.

“What do you want?”

“Just to check.” Crowley sauntered into his space, leering at his abdomen. Dean kicked at him so the minions forced him to his knees on the grimy floor. Crowley pinched a bit of his shirt and lifted it just enough to see his stomach with a tsk. “I thought I spotted that. And you’re not the kind of man to let your physique go are you, Dean?” He backed up a few paces still looking smug. “Making a little abomination for the war effort?”

“You don’t know shit.” Dean had his teeth clenched and growled like an angry wolf dad on animal instinct.

            “I know that your angel is loosing badly against Raphael. Could be killed any second now. And while I haven’t seen a nephilim in a while but I’m almost certain if Cassy kicks the bucket then that’s it for miniDean. So what do you say? Trade me the baby’s soul and I’ll save your baby daddy.”

“Over my dead body you piece of shit.”

“Worth an offer,” Crowley shrugged. “Tie him up.” The demons hefted Dean towards one of the walls.

“Cas will…” Dean started a threat only to be interrupted.

“Cas will come after me for vengeance, I know. In fact I’m planning on it. He’s all hung up on me and I’ll make my deal with Raphael.” Crowley was walking to the door then paused. “Oh and, when you get to Heaven, don’t bother waiting. Angels don’t go anywhere when they die, they just die.”

“You…” One of the minions shoved Dean into the wall the other chained him to a hook there. They both grinned at his fury then also headed for the door.

            Dean struggled with the chain on his wrist but Crowley wasn’t fooling around this time, he really wanted them dead. The doors banged open and the demons shoved a dirty shtriga inside.

“Oh hell no.”

“The boss expects repayment for such a meal.” One of the demons said then shut the door. The shtriga looked confused for a moment then squinted at Dean.

“You’re with child?”

“No.” Denial doesn’t stop the monster from looking hungry and coming closer.

            He managed to fight it off until Sam made his daring rescue. Way too close for comfort, though.

==

            They saved Meg without much trouble and knocked Crowley into a demon trap. When they asked nicely about Sam’s soul he claimed he couldn’t get it back. Bringing Sam back to life was difficult enough and he wasn’t going back for his soul.

“He’s useless!” Sam motioned for Dean to give Meg the knife. Dean didn’t like Meg but at the moment... He passed her the weapon.

            Meg stepped forward to stab him only to have Crowley trip her and grab the knife that he then tossed into the ceiling to break the circle.

“That’s better.” Sam and Dean got thrown against opposite walls. While Crowley turned to Meg. Right on time came the flap of wings.

“Leave them alone.”

“Castiel, no love for your benefactor?”

“I owe you no favors. Especially if you’re dead.”

“Not planning on returning your loan, starting a war, knocking boots with the righteous man? Aren’t you the rebel?”  
“Put the knife down.”

“You that bossy in heaven? I hear you’re loosing out to Raphael, the whole affair makes Vietnam look like a roller derby.” Cas didn’t say anything, only adjusted his grip on the green sac he was holding. “Hey, what’s in the gift bag?”

“You are.” Cas dropped the bag to the floor to the sound of bones knocking together.

“Not possible.”

“You didn’t hide your bones as well as you should have.”

“Cookie for you,” Crowley sarcastically clapped.

“Can you restore Sam’s soul or not?” Crowley snapped and released Sam and Dean. Dean looked down at his stomach quickly then up at Cas. Cas glanced to make sure he was okay then focused again on the demon.

“If I could help in any other way…”

“Answer the question!” Dean barked.

“I can’t,” he admitted.

            Cas lunged forward with inhuman speed, angel blade drawn. Caught off guard, Crowley retreated equally fast but had to drop the knife that Cas snatched and propelled into Dean’s ready hand.

“Those aren’t really my bones, are they?”

“No. But you are now unarmed and out numbered.” Cas stood ready to fight. Crowley eyed his competition then shrugged. 

“We’ll call it a draw, shall we?” He disappeared. Sam and Dean walked closer but Meg also ran away.

            “Well, she’s smart, I’ll give her that. I was going to kill her too.” Dean nodded then turned to face his angel. “Nice trick, Cas. I finally taught you how to lie,” Dean joked but Cas wasn’t laughing.

“Dean,” he walked right up to the hunter and touched his forehead to heal him.

“I’m alright, we’re alright. Just a few bruises.” Let Sam think the ‘we’ included him. Dean took Cas’s hand and placed it on his stomach.

“I am thankful,” Cas sighed. They leaned in and kissed until Sam spoke up.

“Really? Happy to be alive sex surrounded by monster guts. Even I know that’s gross,” he smirked. Cas looked at him with a serious expression then flew him and Dean out of the building. “I didn’t mean,” Sam grumbled. “Yeah, leave me to clean up.”

==

            Sometime later Sam trudged out to the Impala. He raised an eyebrow then went over and knocked on the back window.

“Go away!” Dean shouted from inside.

“This is the only car we have.” Sam continued to peer in the window until Dean opened the door and stepped out while adjusting his shirt. “If you destroy every light bulb in the hotels, how do you not kill the car?”

“Familiarity,” Cas answered and climbed out of the opposite door, sans tie. “Dean, Crowley was right, it isn’t going well for me upstairs.” The angel changed the topic.

“Anything we can do?”

“There isn’t. I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time, I’d rather be here.”

“Cas, we know you’ve got a steaming pile on you plate, no need for apologies. I’m not going anywhere.”

            Sam again cut short their lovey-dovey staring. “If you really want to help there’s still monsters in the prison.”

“I understand.” Cas nodded then flew away.

            “Was it good?” Sam asked without a hint of shame.

“Jesus Sam, you don’t just ask that.”

“You’ve talked about conquests before.”

“Well, Cas isn’t a one night stand he’s…” Souless Sam stared at him blankly. “Forget it. I wouldn’t have this conversation with normal Sam, I’m sure as hell not doing it with the robo version.”

“You heard Crowley, you should get used to me this way.”

“We’ll figure out something else.”

==


	3. three

            At Bobby’s scrap yard Dean sat on the hood of a rusty car with a bottle of fake beer. Cas leaned against his side and had his palm resting on the swell of Dean’s belly. “It kicked me.”

“Told you. He’s been beating on my kidneys all day.” Cas half-smiled. “Say something to him.”

“Why?”

“So he can learn your voice, Cas.” The angel pondered this for a moment then leaned a bit closer.

“I am Castiel, Angel of the Lord, chosen mate of Dean Winchester. I will care for you to the best of my abilities.” Dean chuckled.

“It’s your baby, Cas, you don’t have to be so formal.”

            The angel started to unbutton his shirt. “My grace has swelled considerably.” He took Dean’s hand and placed it on his sternum. Dean frowned and felt around a bit.

“You’ve got an extra warm patch.”

“That is our child’s forming grace.” A faint blue light shown from under Cas’s skin. Dean smiled and leaned in to kiss the spot.

“Hiya, Sammy. It’s your human dad. Is it weird that our baby is in two parts?”

“It is not formed in either of us, it won’t be whole until it is born.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Dean patted the baby grace once more then reluctantly changed the topic. “Well, I didn’t call you out here just to say Hi to Sammy.”

“I assumed as much.”

“You can do it, right?”

“Yes. But too long will cause damage to the infant.”

“So, pull me back before that happens.”

            “I still ambivalent about this,” Cas said.

“I have to take the chance, Cas. Even if Sam comes out sick or crazy at least he’s not being gangbanged by Lucifer. I can’t leave him down there.” Cas shook his head.

“You’re being naïve.”

“And you love me for it.”

            Dean laid down and Cas sat over him.

“Do not fight me,” the angel warned and wrapped a hand around his throat. Dean gave him a cheeky smile before his neck snapped. Dean took a quick look at his body that Cas was attentively caring for then walked a little ways away.

            Death came to talk to him but had a condition. “Choose one.”

“What?”

“I’m not known for brining people back. I’ll only do this favor once. One of your brothers or you could save this little arrangement until one day when you might need it for your child.”

“What about Sammy?” Dean’s protectiveness flared.

“You fail to comprehend the human soul, you can’t phantom the light of that creature growing inside you. If anything happens to that nephilim I will be the only one capable of reviving it.”

“I’ll take my chances. Save Sam.”

==

            Dean failed Death’s challenge but Death was willing to get Sam’s soul anyway. Apparently they were useful despite causing chaos.

“I apologized for that,” Dean muttered.

“But you have use. You’re needed for the war in Heaven and well, an uncle’s influence will go a long way towards making that baby into the being it needs to be.”

“Hold on, what’s destiny want with Sammy?”

“Keep looking into the souls.” Death was all cryptic. But he gave Sam his soul back, while he literally kicked and screamed.

==

            Sam was sleeping like a log. Cas confirmed that his soul was in place but moodily fluttered off right afterwards. Which left just Dean and Bobby.

“Just like my daddy used to say, just cause it kills you don’t mean it’s not medicine.” Bobby poured him a drink.

“Yeah, well, I gotta pass.” Dean pushed the glass away.

“What’s wrong with you? Sam’s been the bigger problem but, how did that angel turn you into a health nut?” Dean quirked a smile.

“Long, weird, story.”

“I’ve got time.”

“Isn’t that a case?” Dean noticed the news article on his desk.

“Don’t change the topic.”

“Plane crash?” He picked up the paper anyway.

“Yeah, couple goes up in a light plane. Wreckage in the woods. Pilot was found seventeen miles away, flambéed. Girl’s just gone. No body no nothing.”

“Kay, I’m not changing the channel.”

            “Dean,” Sam’s ragged voice made him spin around. His brother was standing there, woozy but otherwise like nothing had happened. He could only stare until Sam ran forward and hugged him. They held each other for a minute then he went over and gave Bobby the same treatment.

“Good to see you,” Bobby mumbled.

            Dean wasn’t getting any weird vibes like he had from RoboSam. Other than being dazed, confused, hungry and claiming not to remember anything after opening the cage, Sam was back to normal. After establishing his mental state and giving Dean a bitch-face for working with Death, Sam had more questions.

“So where’s Cas?”

“What?” Bobby asked. Dean set another beer in front of his brother, who hadn’t yet noticed he wasn’t drinking one.

“You said Cas is alive, where is he? How are um…” He waved vaguely at Dean.

“Actually,” Dean couldn’t help but smile. “Believe it or not, we’re good.”

“It gives me cavities to watch you, idjits,” Bobby complained.

“Hah, I knew it,” Sam said happily and took another bite of his sandwich.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

“Oh I am, you two would have kept it up for years if I hadn’t said something.” Dean might have looked stupidly happy right then, his brother was himself again. “So, where is he?”

“Well, you actually did miss something,” Dean told him about the war in heaven.

            Later Dean got Bobby alone to talk. Bobby wanted to tell Sam about his time as a robot but Dean insisted they hold off for a while, hopefully forever. They were packing up to go on the plane crash case when Sam caught them.

“What’s up?”

“Case.”

“You’re still hunting?” he squinted at Dean.

“Uh, yeah.” Why would he think otherwise?

“I thought you were retired. You’re with Cas and you’ve gained so much weight.” Dean looked offended so he amended. “I noticed it when we hugged. It’s pretty obvious.”

“Now that we’re talking about it,” Bobby stepped up.

“This can wait until after the case,” Dean tried to reason.

“I have been waitin’, waiting for Sam to get back. You’ve been acting off for the past few months. And I sure as hell ain’t going on a hunt with you until you tell me why.”

“It’s not a big deal.”  
“There’s milk in my fridge. You bought milk and lettuce and you ate it. Don’t deny it, I saw you.” Dean open and closed his mouth at that accusation. “When was the last time you had a beer?”

            “You’re not drinking?” Sam looked down at Dean’s abdomen with a concerned frown then his eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “No. No, Dean, you’re not…” He blinked at his big brother. “Are you?” Dean rubbed at his mouth and then his neck but couldn’t hold back the smile that crept onto his face.

“Yeah, I am.” Sam gasped, almost squealed, and charged in for a hug a second time.

“Oh my god, when, wha, h,how?” He formed from gibberish, holding Dean’s shoulders and gaping down at his extended stomach.

“Angel bullshit and sex, a lot sex.” Dean couldn’t stop wearing a shit-eating grin.

“Yeah, I know that part,” Sam was too excited to even properly whine at his crudeness.

            “What am I missing?” Bobby asked.

“He’s pregnant! Dean, you’re pregnant. You’re actually, pregnant. Can I…Can I touch it?”

“Jesus Sam, I wasn’t this much of a girl when I found out.” Dean lifted his shirt for Sam to marvel at. Cautiously Sam touched it, as if it might bite him.

“Damn,” Bobby muttered, also staring at Dean’s baby bump. “How did I miss that?”

“You weren’t the only one,” Dean almost laughed but Sam wasn’t paying attention.

“There’s an angel in there?”

“Not exactly.”

“Where is it? I mean you don’t have a…”

“No! It’s…basically a parasite.”

“So you’re going to need a cesarean to get it out?”

“If that means cut open my stomach, then yeah, Cas says not to worry about it.”

“You’re carrying around Castiel’s kid?” Bobby continued the same line of thought.

“Who else would it be?” Dean frowned.

            “I just…wow.” Sam sounded mystified. He crouched down in front of Dean and pressed his ear to Dean’s skin.

“Sam?” Dean complained.

“Shh!”

“You’re serious?”

“Dean, shut up. I can hear its heartbeat.”

“You are such a chick.”

“You’re the one who’s pregnant.”

“I’m not a girl about it.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Stand up, this is getting weird.”

“Oh it’s weird, alright,” Bobby commented.

            “How far along are you?”

“A while,” Dean shrugged.

“Dean.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been busy.”

“Dean, it’s your kid.” On came the bitch-face.

“You’re really telling me off about this?”

“Of course I am.”

“I’ve missed you, you know that?” Sam didn’t even understand the full weight of that statement but still gave Dean a comforting smile.

            “I need a drink,” Bobby muttered and started back towards the house.

“What about the job?” Dean called.

“You can’t go hunting like that,” Sam chastised.

“I have been.” Sam kept frowning, Dean rolled his eyes. “I’ll be careful, alright. Now can we go find what’s killing people?”

“Fine, but you’re telling me more on the way,” Sam agreed.

“Hold on, you just got vertical.”

“Yeah, I’m better.”

“Shouldn’t you take a few days?”

“Like when you got back from Hell?” Dean had nothing to say to that. “Okay, let’s go.”

“You two go ahead,” Bobby said.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Bobby closed the door.

            “What was that about?” Sam asked.

“Probably just needs to come to terms with a man being pregnant.” Dean waved it off and got into the driver’s seat.

“So, when you said that you and Cas were good, what you really meant…”

“My God, Sam at least let me get on the highway.”

“No way. Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”

“I keep asking Cas that but he just keeps saying that nephilim are like angels. They don’t necessarily have genders and he doesn’t want me to pressure Sammy to conform.”

“Good for him. Wait…Sammy?” Dean looked pointedly at the road. “Heh, you actually named it Sammy?”

“You said to didn’t you?”

“I didn’t mean…and I said adopt.” Dean glanced to his brother then sighed.

“Yeah. You were dead, what else was I supposed to name it?”

“Oh,” Sam gave a disbelieving laugh.

“It’s Samaria, actually. Cas’ pick. Samaria Winchester, middle name to be decided.”

“Wow, I…I guess I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be, if you were alive I would have named it something else,” Dean tried to brush it off.

“Still…oh, I haven’t said this yet.” Sam smiled. “Congratulations.” Dean couldn’t help the upward quirk of his lips.

“Thanks.”

==

            “Why would someone be taking virgins?”

“Beats me, I like my girls with experience.”

“Uh huh.”

“Liked my girls with experience.”

“Yeah, wasn’t Cas a virgin?”

“That is…so not the same thing.”

“Just making a point. No more Dean Winchester womanizer extraordinaire. You’re now boring pregnant Dean.”

“Oh come on, that’s half of my normal conversation. And being pregnant is not boring, it sucks.”

==

            They were looking at dragon lore. Dean took the car to visit an old friend of Bobby’s while Sam stayed in the hotel room. He felt just fine but was getting suspicious of how Dean and Bobby kept acting. Bobby didn’t seem to want to be around him and Dean was obviously avoiding some topics. Well, he had a few minutes and was planning to do this soon, anyway.

            “Castiel, I’m back. Dean told me you’re busy but if you’ve got a minute…”

“Sam.” He looked up at the angel and smiled.

“Hey, Cas.”

“It’s so glad to see you.” Cas walked towards him and held his arms up for a hug. Sam enthusiastically grabbed him and hugged him like he had his other family members.

“You and Dean, you’re having a baby.”

“Yes,” Cas said warmly.

“Then, Hell, Cas, you’re family as far as I’m concerned.” He pulled away from Cas and said, “we need to get you two married.”

“That would be traditional, if I were human.” Sam grinned and sat back down in his chair. “How do you feel?”

“Good, pretty good.”

“Frankly, I didn’t think you would survive.”

“Oh, yeah, very surprising.”

“I begged Dean not to do it but he was adamant. It is a relief his hopes were not misplaced.” Oh yeah, Cas was definitely outside of the ‘let’s all lie to Sam’ loop. Time for information gathering.

==

            Dean should have told Cas to lie to Sam. He really should have. Now Sam was all gungho I’m going to make up for all the bad things I did while soulless. And on top of that he had convinced Dean to start clearing out Bobby’s spare rooms.

“Man, this is disgusting. Nobody’s cleaned this dump in twenty years,” Dean complained as he shoved a dead rat about with the broom.

“Yeah well this is the closest thing we have to a headquarters so this is where the baby room goes. You and Cas probably want a room too, right?”

“I don’t think Bobby’s going to go for that. Last time we…spent the night, Cas nuked all the light bulbs.”

“That explains the new TV. We also…heh, your baby needs a baby seat.”

“You’re hilarious,” Dean said while setting the broom aside and going out the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I gotta pee.”

“Again?”

“Shut up.”

            Sam then got a mysterious text that was coordinates to a town. Dean though it was fishy but Bobby hadn’t gotten anything on “Mother of All” yet so Sam talked him into going.

==

            Going was a terrible idea. Turned out soulless Sam was a bigger asshole than previously imagined. And fighting the monster out for revenge was not taking it easy on the pregnant man. Nor was this healthy for Sam’s psyche. He had a weird hell-remembering seizure after the case. The next morning, Dean had to sit him down and lecture him. Sure, he wants to make up for his mistakes but he was going to die if this kept up. So, no more redemption, no more memories, just leave the wall alone. Sorry, Sam, not up for debate. You need to live long enough to meet your new niece or nephew. And shut up, a cheese doughnut with pickles was a perfectly fine breakfast.

==

            Nothing better to do then onto the next case, at least it would keep Sam busy. Also, this one looked like it could be easy on the pregnant man.

            Except Sam thought it looked like possessed dolls, or mannequins, but still, creepy. “If you’re right about this. Sammy is going to have to live without dolls, even if she’s a girl.” Dean said while looking through the latest victim’s file. Sam huffed out a short laugh and scrolled through information on the company computer. He just found a file on a woman who went missing a year ago.

            Their normal routine of research was interrupted by flapping wings. Dean looked up expecting to see Cas but instead saw a woman in a suit that he didn’t recognize.

“Dean Winchester, you are to come with me.”

“Whoa, what?” Dean leapt up to a defensive stance.

“Castiel felt the infant stir within him. We must prepare for it to be born.”

“I thought you had another two weeks,” Sam piped up.

“Right, and how do I know that you’re not one of Raphael’s goons?” Dean didn’t stand down.

“Your infant’s name is Samaria.”

“Okay,” Dean breathed out. “Okay, we’re going to give birth, right now?”

“Yes.”

“Dean, go, I can take care of this.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll wrap up this job then come join you.”

“No,” the angel said. “The fewer in our party the harder it will be for Raphael to find us. And even if you did come, Castiel will be in his true form.”

“Alright, then I guess I’ll wrap up this job and meet you at Bobby’s.”

“Yeah, okay,” Dean nodded, trying not to sound nervous.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Fine, just…just going to go, you know, give birth to third generation Winchester, who knows how many generations Campbell, half-angel. Oh, and I’m a dude.”

“Your agitated state is natural but unhelpful. We must leave now.”

“Good luck,” Sam said in parting as Dean let the angel tap his forehead. Sam sighed and sat down at the desk. “Alright,” he said to himself and went back to work.

            Dean and the female angel appeared in a completely white room, populated only  by Balthazar.

“Excellent, you got him. Fly a few laps then come back for the ape, yeah.” The unnamed angel disappeared.

“Balthazar?” Dean blinked at the angel. “What do you want?”

“Pick a letter.”

“What?”

“A to Z pick one.”

“Why?”

“Y, that will do.

“Hold on…”

“Be nice, I’m here to be your midwife.” Balthazar patted him on the arm.  “I’m flattered Cassy asked then again, I don’t know who else he can really trust right now.” With a flutter the woman angel reappeared. “Except for you dear, Rachel. And our randomly selected location is the Yukon territory, good?” He pointed to the woman who nodded. “Right, take the ape we’ll meet you there.” Dean didn’t have a chance to say anything else before the angel poked his head again.

            The next thing he knew he was standing in a small cave overlooking a snowy, rocky beach.

“I need your blood for protective wards. I will heal you when we are done.”

“Yeah, of course.” They were writing Enochian when Cas flew in right next to Dean.

“Hello Dean,” he sounded relieved.

“Cas, hey Babe. Fancy birth you had planned.”

“I apologize this… was sudden. Samaria has grown faster than expected.”

“How about that? Our baby’s already ahead of everyone else.” Dean smiled. Cas gazed at him for a second then practically attacked his mouth.

“I’m sorry. This war,” he said between kisses.

“Whoa, Babe, it’s okay.”

“It’s not. Raphael will come for you, he will come for our child.”

“We’ll figure something out.”

            “Nice little place you found, Rachel.” Balthazar showed up near the cave mouth. “Let’s get it locked down nice and tight. We’re going to need time to figure out how to deliver a nephilim.” Dean was about to say something to Balthazar but doubled over.

“Dean.” Cas held him upright.

“Ah, Sammy just kicked my innards.” Cas stood beside him suddenly panting and pressing against his sternum.

“You two just sit on down.” Balthazar lowered them to a couple of blankets that had appeared on the cave floor. “Just try to relax and let the baby wake up, yeah? We’ll get you sorted.”

            Sam burned the woman’s bones then made two phone calls. First to the intended victim that he could now go home and the second to Dean’s cell.

“Hey, Dean, just in case you get this before I see you, I got the ghost, heading back to Bobby’s.”

            “Why does this hurt?!” Dean demanded while writhing in the cave.

“The infant is moving inside you and trying to connect to its grace,” Rachel said calmly.

“It’s the miracle of birth, Ape, takes a little while,” Balthazar said. He sat next to Cas looking down at shirtless angel as the blue light danced under the skin of his vessel.

            Sam went back to the sister’s to try and figure out why the ghost wasn’t gone. The only thing of the dead girl left was the kidney she had donated to her sister. Dean would be interested to hear about this one.

            “Now! Now!” Cas started shouting.

“Just a second Cassy.” Balthazar loomed over the angel. Rachel crouched next to Dean, who was also sans shirt, and held up her angel blade so that he could see it. Dean nodded and leaned back while she touched the tip to his belly.

“Dean, look away,” Cas panted.  
“Not a chance.” Dean kept his head turned to watch the angel next to him. Castiel gave an inhuman yell and the cave filled with blinding light.

            Sam started driving out of town with the sister. He didn’t really know where he was going but away from other people was a good start. His phone rang so he pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car so he could talk to Bobby about removing the girl’s kidney. She didn’t stay inside the car, though.

“What’s going on?” She wanted to know.

“Uh…” Sam was saved from answering by the Impala turning itself on. “Oh no.” It revved the engine and tried to run Sam over. “Dean is going to kill me!” Sam shouted while running. “He’s going to be pissed, that’s his car.”

“Rosey, stop!” The sister shouted at the car. “Is that you? Stop it!”

“Don’t,” Sam warned but the car had chased him a fair distance away from her.

“Whatever happened, you can’t keep killing people. This isn’t you.” The ghost considered for a moment then barreled the impala towards her sister.

“No!” The sister didn’t run and the car didn’t stop.

            Dean jolted awake and blinked at the expensive bedroom he found himself in. He lay on the bed, Cas next to him but turned away, Rachel was no where in sight, and Balthazar stood in front of Cas.

“Safe location B. Summer home of some corporate executive or something. One of my hideouts, your welcome,” Balthazar spoke up first. “But now that you’re here, I’ve got to run.” He flapped off.

“Sammy?” Dean glanced around.

“Dean.” He looked towards Cas’ voice but a pale, giant insect was suddenly in his face.

“Ah!” Dean jumped backwards as far as possible from the huge bug, hunter instincts making him tense for a fight.

“Dean?” Cas sounded sad. On second look, Castiel held a bundle of blankets from which peaked out the wrinkled face of a newborn baby with closed eyes and a blond strands of hair. But directly behind the kid’s right ear was attached the worm that Dean had originally seen. The insect head was the same size as the human one. Dean stared. On the left side, again just behind the ear, fur started. A fluffy cat face in orange, white, and black protruded from the left of the baby’s cranium, opposite the translucent larva.

            “That’s…” Dean gaped.

“Your child,” Cas was angry.

“Wow, I didn’t…” Dean crawled closer but Cas responded by gripping the infant closer to his chest. “No, Cas, I just…” Dean sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m a hunter, you know I react badly when I’m stressed.” Cas eyed him. “He’s beautiful, can I hold him?” Slowly Castiel passed him the bundled blanket.

            Dean gently cradled it and smiled. “Hey there, Sammy. I’m your dad.” Cas scooted a bit closer. “And this is Cas, your other dad.” The pudgy human face blinked its eyes open and looked up at him with bluish-green irises.  “I’m not crying. Don’t look at me like that, your old man doesn’t cry.”

            Dean sniffed and adjusted his hold on the baby. “What have you got there?” He noticed something.

“Wings.”

“Wings?” Dean quickly unwrapped the blanket. Samaria’s torso was all pale human skin but two extra appendages sprouted from its back. They didn’t look much like wings. Scrawny elbows covered in soft white down feathers. Dean laughed nervously, Cas looked proud.

“Do you have a middle name, Dean?”

“I don’t know. Doesn’t look like a John. Are you a boy or a girl” Dean took the rest of the blanket off. “Uh, Cas, our baby is missing few things.”

“Where?” Cas leaned over.

“Well, there’s a tiny, tiny dick and a hole for the, solid stuff, and that’s it.”

“Nephilim are born sexless.”

“I didn’t think you meant… sexless.” Cas looked at him with what might have been amusement or exasperation. “Does this affect choosing a name?”

“Uh…not really,” didn’t want to give the wrong answer while Cas was looking at him like that. “Bobby and Jo, those are unisex.”

“Robert and Joanna.”

“No, Cas…” Dean sighed and smiled affectionately at his crazy angel. “Samaria Bobby Winchester or Samaria Jo Winchester, or Samaria Bobby Jo Winchester.”

“Samaria Bobby Jo Winchester, child of Dean Winchester and Castiel Angel of the Lord.” Cas gently stroked the top of all three connected heads.

==

            Sam sighed heavily and locked the front door of Bobby’s house behind him. He set aside his jacket and got a drink from the kitchen. He had just opened a beer when the sound of wings came from the other room.

“Cas?” Sam called then went to find Dean and Cas, fully clothed, sitting on the coach.

“Hey, how’d the job go?” Dean asked.

“It was…” Sam squinted at what Dean was holding. “Wait, forget the job.” Sam set his drink aside and hurried over.

“Alright, alright, you big girl,” Dean said fondly. “Ah but,” he hesitated a second as Sam got closer. “He’s, uh, she, is a little weird looking.”

“Well, it’s a half-angel, does it have wings?” Sam was practically bouncing up and down.

“You may see.” Cas reached over and adjusted the blankets in Dean’s arms so that Samaria’s three faces were showing.

“Wow, not what I was expecting.”

“Yeah, apparently all angels have both wings and multiple faces,” Dean said.

            “Is that a tiger?” Sam asked.

“Sumatran tiger, panthera tigris sumatrae, a critically endangered subspecies,” Cas provided.

“Pretty badass, huh?” Dean grinned.

“Yeah,” Sam breathed and waved a little when the human face looked at him.

            “Apis mellifera” Cas continued.

“What?”

“A species of honey bee,” Cas sounded incredibly warmhearted as he held his pointer finger to the insect mouth that was gently nibbling on the tip.

“A bee?” Dean repeated in an incredulous tone.

“Yes.” Cas looked far too pleased to be having his finger gummed by a giant larva. “I wonder if it will pupitate.”

“What’s our baby going to do?”

“Remember from grade school how the caterpillar into turns butterfly,” Sam offered. “Bees do that too.”

            The three faces did not coordinate with each other. The larva was happily nomming on Cas while the human stared up at Dean and the tiger twitched from side to side making high pitched squeaks. Sam laughed softly.

“When will its eyes open?”

“I don’t know,” Cas answered Sam.

“Cats and dogs are born with their eyes closed,” Sam explained to Dean.

“I knew that.”

            Samaria’s human face made a breathy little sound of distress.

“It’s hungry,” Cas said and held out his hands. Dean passed him the baby.

 “We haven’t bought anything, yet,” Dean grumbled.

“Well, I am such a good uncle that I thought of that. I made grocery run on my way back.” Sam stood up and went to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Dean noticed Cas holding the baby to his neck.

“Feeding it a small portion of my grace.”

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“It requires nothing essential, as if you were feeding it your hair or finger nails.”

“Thanks for that image. I’ll go see what Sam brought.”

            Dean joined Sam in the kitchen where the younger brother was getting out several different canisters.

“I didn’t know what to get so I grabbed a few different types of formula.”

“Let’s mix it up, see what he likes.”

“You say ‘he’ Cas keeps saying ‘it’. So…”

“Technically, sexless as in…” hand gesture, “nothing. But I mean, it’s my baby I can’t call it ‘it’.” Sam shrugged and turned back to the stove.

“Zhe.”

“What?”

“Zhe, it’s a gender neutral pronoun. Zhe, zher, zhim, or hir.”

“You made that up.”

“No I didn’t. And ‘he’ can be gender neutral in legal documents and things.”

            “Dean,” Cas walked into the kitchen. “I don’t want to, but…”

“You’ve got to go?” Cas nodded. “I get it.” Dean pulled him in for a kiss. “Come back when you can, okay.”

“I will.” Cas transferred the baby to his arms.

“Hey, Samaria needs a goodbye kiss, too.”

“Goodbye my child.” Cas kissed the baby’s forehead before flying away.

            Dean sat down but noticed Sam’s expression. “Spit it out, Sam.”

“Just, I never expected you to be a soldier’s wife.”

“Hey, I’m a solider too. Yep, your daddy is a badass,” he said the last part while bouncing Sammy.

“Both hir’s daddies are badass,” Sam added.

“Wait a minute, now that Sammy’s born…” Dean went to the fridge, holding the baby in one arm. “Aha!” He triumphantly held up a bottle of real alcohol. Sam rolled his eyes.

==

            A thunderstorm raged outside Bobby’s windows. Inside Dean held his sleeping baby on his lap while both trying to pour himself more drink and work the laptop.

“Is Sammy asleep?” Sam came into the room carrying a few books.

“Concked out the second the rain started. I think he likes it.”

“Where’s Bobby?”

“In town, supply run. I can finally have the hunters’ elixir of life again and we’re out.” Dean set aside the empty bottle.

            That’s when the lights flickered and Balthazar appeared.

“Hello, Boys.”

“Blathazar?” The angel kept babbling about “The Godfather” while raiding Bobby’s supplies. “Cassy is deep, deep underground, as in running for his life. Which is what you should be doing. Raphael has put out a hit list on everyone that has helped our dear Cas that includes the two of you, your little nephilim, and more importantly me.” Dean held the still sleeping baby tightly.

“So, we’re running?”

“As far and as fast as possible, preferably.” The lights flicker again. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have, gentlemen.” Balthazar handed Sam a key then threw them through the window right as a mean faced angel showed up.

            They landed on mats, surrounded by people congratulating them. It was one of the more confusing moments of Dean’s life. There weren’t any angels or any apparent danger he was still holding Sammy. He looked down to check his baby but the blankets held a doll.

“Ewahh!” He dropped the creepy thing like it was on fire. The group of men in chairs looked at him oddly then went back to talking. “Sammy? Sammy?” Dean hissed, looking about frantically.

“There,” Sam pointed. A dark haired woman stood off to the side holding a baby carrier.

“Sammy!” Dean ran over. The baby looked exactly like Sammy’s human face, but no bee face, tiger face, or wings.

“Shh,” the woman scolded him as he was the one out of line. “It’s her nap time.”

            “That’s a wrap on Jared and Jensen!” A man shouted and more lights came on. Then a woman grabbed Sam and dragged him off. Dean followed but was then accosted by a second woman who sat him down in a chair and put makeup on him like he was a painted whore.

            Things got even weirder after that. Sam has a theory that their lives are a TV show in this messed up place. Dean listened while walking to go get Sammy.

“She’s done shooting today,” the same lady stoped him.

“Right, yeah, just uh taking her home.”

“That’s what I’m doing,” the woman agreed while packing up a rattle and blankets into the child carrier.

“You’re taking her home?”

“Yyyesss.”

“But shouldn’t I…”

“Look,” the woman gave an exasperated sigh. “When I agreed to let her play this part, you promised not to be weird about it. So yes, she’s going home with me to see her real life daddy.” The woman turned her back.

            “Whoa, whoa,” Sam grabbed Dean to keep him from following. “Dean that’s not really Sammy, that’s a baby actor that plays Sammy.”

“Right, you’re right.” Dean calmed down. He then purposefully strode back to where they had arrived. A man wearing a headset was picking up the fake glass and holding the Sammy doll by one arm. Dean snatched it from him and held it properly with a dirty look at the offending man. Sam kept a steadying hand on him and led him outside. “Really? Only one of my babies made it?” Dean nodded at the Impala in the lot but then noticed there were several more in various states of disrepair. “I’m going to be sick.” Sam patted him reassuringly and kept him moving.

            Meeting fake Cas did not help matters. Nor did finding fake Dean’s trailer, although there were a few cool toys inside. He couldn’t even drive the Impala. They had a man to drive them. Drive them through, Canada. Canada? At least Sam had an okay deal here. Giant house, with an alpaca in the backyard, and married to fake Ruby. Oh and they were rich so for once they could just buy the ingredients they needed.

            “Alright,” Dean closed his laptop and stood up with Sammy.

“You still have that…” Sam started but Dean glowered.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“You say something?”

“No.” Dean flopped down on the comfortable couch with the fake baby lying nearby. Sam shook his head and got back to research.

            Money was a magical thing that allowed you to pick up saint bones from the airport before work. Unfortunately the man in charge wouldn’t let them have the set to themselves so they had to pretend to be actors. It was hard, he would never criticize the actors on Dr. Sexy again. There were too many lines, Sam kept looking at the camera, and to top it all off fake Cas tried to kiss him. Which of course he backed away from chanting, ‘no’.

            Then after all that trouble, the spell didn’t work. Virgil showed up and killed fake Cas. Which thankfully gave them a lead. Raphael was going to open the gate again for his minion so they just needed to catch that train out. Virgil showed up right on time only packing heat, apparently pissed about his lack of angel mojo. He was only human so he was easy enough to take down. They then smashed through a window for the third time in twenty-four hours.

            This time they landed on asphalt. And the former doll Dean still held thankfully let out a shriek.

“Sammy?” he cradled his baby with relief. “It’s okay, Sammy, you’re okay.”

“It is not nice to lie to children,” a dark skinned woman in a suit approached them menacingly.

“Raphael?” Dean guessed. All three of Sammy’s faces were crying. Well, the insect one didn’t make noise but it looked distressed. “Nice meat suit, apparently it scares babies.” Raphael fisted their guts for that and took Balthazar’s key.

            That’s when Balthazar and then Cas showed up. Balthazar had used them as a distraction so he could fetch stolen weapons from wherever he had hidden them and give them to Cas. Raphael retreated and Balthazar said goodbye.

“Cas what the hell?” Sam asked. Cas hurried towards them, touched them both and flew them to Bobby’s. “You were in on this using us as a diversion?” Sam demanded.

“You weren’t a diversion,” Cas snapped, ignoring Sam and crowding close to Dean and Sammy. “Shh,” he touched the baby's face. “You are safe, little one.”

“Cas?” Dean prompted. This made Cas look up at him sadly.

“Let Raphael think I told Balthazar use you as a distraction. He was coming for you. In that world without magic you stood a fighting chance against Virgil. Please,” he looked rather desperately to Samaria. Dean sighed and let him take the baby. Cas held it upright and muttered soft Enochian to it.

“It’s that bad, the war?” Dean asked.

“Yes.”

“Alright. Just next time you need one of Raphael’s goons ganked, try to give a heads up. And no more fake yous, that whole place was…wrong.”

            “Thank you for understanding,” Cas sighed. “I have done regrettable things and I will be forced to do more.” He leaned his cheek against Sammy for comfort.

“We’ve all been there. Hell, we started the apocalypse. When you’ve done something that bad let me know.” Dean stepped into Castiel’s space and gave him a loose hug.

“I’m gonna,” Sam gave a half-hearted point to the other room then hurried away.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” Cas breathed.

“You too, Cas.”

==

            “You sure? Alright, thanks.” Bobby said into his phone. “Well that clenches it.”

“What?” Sam asked. He sat at the table with half eaten cereal in front of him, and Sammy on his lap while he fed it a bottle.

“Tell ya in a minute. Where’s Dean?”

“Handed me Samaria and told me to feed hir.” Sam shrugged.  
“Are you still on about those made up words?”

“Like you have room to talk.”

“Here. Give me HER, you eat.” Bobby held the baby a little awkwardly. “Weird-ass kid.” Sammy looked up at him and held up its tiny hands as if it might take the bottle. “Why I ain’t surprised that one my boys came home with something like you?” Sam smiled at the scene then almost knocked over his bowl when a screech and exploding light bulbs made him jump. “Good thing I bought extra bulbs.” Sam made a bitch-face at the ceiling.

            When Dean came downstairs, I-just-had-sex spring in his step, Bobby showed them on a map where monster sightings had been recently. They all followed one highway. And the latest one was a strange case of a man who had killed his family for no reason. The three of them, four including the baby, went to investigate.

==

            “It really is good to see you Rufus,” Sam grinned and clasped hands with the older hunter. “Dean wants to get a beer when this is done.”

“Dean isn’t coming?” Rufus asked.

“Bobby didn’t tell you?”

“Wouldn’t believe it coming from me.”

“Dean’s a father now.”

“You don’t say.”

“The baby’s only a month old so Dean had to stay behind. He might introduce you.”

“Yeah, when this is over, let’s get er done,” Bobby moved towards the door.

            They encountered Samuel and Gwen Campbell in the cannery. It turned out to be a good thing Dean stayed behind otherwise he would have shot the older man. Not that anyone else trusted him, but the more people on a hunt, the better. 

            Or maybe not. Gwen stormed off when the argument over whether or not Samuel tried to kill Sam and Dean got heated. In a minute she came back in. Sam noticed her raising her gun.

“Gwen!” His shout caused Samuel to turn around so he only got it in the shoulder. Sam, Bobby, and Rufus all took aim so she bolted. They locked all the doors and fanned out to look for her. When they found her she’s shaken but seemingly coherent. She insisted she blacked out then woke up to see a bug crawling out of her ear. Bobby collected everyone’s guns in a sack so they wouldn’t shoot each other and had them all sit down in the same room. Gwen helped Samuel bandage his shoulder, Bobby and Rufus called their contacts, and Sam hit Dean’s number on his speed dial.

            Dean was back at the hotel, his own room, with the portable crib he’d bought for such occasions. He held Samaria, feeding its human face with the bottle while its tiger face mewed.

            “Daddy’s only got two hands.” His phone rang. “Great.” He put the bottle down and Sammy gurgled unhappily. “Sorry, just a sec. Find something?” he said into the phone.

            “Okay, Dean’s coming with more supplies,” Sam told the group as he hung up.

“He’s leaving the kid, right? Last thing we need,” Rufus said.

“What kid?” Samuel asked.

“None of your damn business,” Bobby answered.

“And here I thought Crowely was full of crap.” Samuel muttered but didn't say anything else.

            Samuel pulled an extra gun from his pocket and ran before Dean arrived. Sam ended up shooting him in the head. The whole fiasco ended with Gwen stabbed, Dean bummed that he didn’t get to waste Samuel personally, and Bobby a little electrocuted but mostly okay.

            Sammy got to meet Rufus. The baby apparently had mixed feelings about him because the baby face spit up on him while the tiger face made happy squeaks and tried to play bite him, meanwhile the bug face seemed to be asleep. On the upside the whole thing was pretty funny.

==

            Bobby was looking through his library, Sam had out his laptop, and Dean was pacing through the rooms carrying Sammy. It was making baby noises and little tiger squeaks while flapping its wings.

            “Come on, Kiddo, let Daddy sit down and do some work.”

“Sing hir a song, Dean,” Sam suggested.

“That won’t help.”

“Have you tried it?” Dean glowered at him but started humming anyway. Sam smiled then pulled up a new news article. Reading it made him stiffen.

            He tried to play off his distress as nothing but Dean and Bobby didn’t let that last. Sam had found evidence of a kitsune. Dean promised to follow his lead on the hunt which successfully got Sam to stop bitching about going lone wolf. They packed up the Impala and headed out on this extremely important monster hunt.

==

            Sam reminisced about his meeting with Amy. He ended his flashback right as Dean came out of the general store. He had a bag hanging off one arm and a stuffed tiger in hand. While walking to the car he went at the neck with one of his knives.

“Did you just cut that toy’s head off?” Sam stared.

“Brilliant, right?” Dean said proudly. He leaned into the back to reach Sammy’s car seat and tucked the stuffed animal next to it, under its tiger chin.

“That doesn’t look weird at all,” Sam frowned at the obviously fake toy propped just under the obviously alive and twitching face.

“It’ll work from a distance. Just cover this up.” He draped the blanket over Sammy’s insect face. The blanket twitched and the baby looked quizzical. “Now we can check your diaper.” He picked up his infant and set it on the car hood. Sam spared his tiny nephew a smile then went back to woolgathering.

            “Sam, Sam,” Dean got his attention.

“Yeah?”

“Just watch him for a second.” He held the poopy diaper away from him and walked to the nearest trashcan to drop it. “Is there a reason you’re spacing out? Because I remember this hunt being no big deal.”

            Sam sighed and carefully picked up the baby, mindful of the stuffed animal and blanket covering its wings and extra face.

“That’s disgusting. Do you have to do that here?” A woman using the nearby fuel pump gave them a stink face.

“What else would I do? Keep his poop in the car?” Dean answered. The woman’s face scrunched up more. Sam got an idea from her expression.

“We’re brothers.”

“Oh,” the woman breathed, hostility coming out of her stance.

“Ah, man, why does everybody think that?” Dean whined. “Do I look gay? You maybe.”

“Yeah, which one of us is with Cas?”

“Cas doesn’t count.”

“Sorry to assume, it’s just so rare to see attentive uncles around here,” the woman recovered and batted her eyelashes at Sam now that he was confirmed free.

“Thanks,” Sam said off handily then went back to being a little brother. “You’re in denial. Deep, deep closet denial.”

“I’m not gay.”

“It’s gross,” the woman tried to join the conversation again.

“Lady, I have it on good authority that gays go to heaven.”

“I would think being interspecies is the bigger concern.”

“Okay, shut up, give me the baby, get in the car.”

==

            “Do I still look professional?” Dean asked. He was in his FBI suit with the addition of Sammy’s baby sling across his back.

“Um…maybe when we talk to suspects. Wouldn’t take hir to the morgue or crime scenes, though.”

“Yeah? Sorry kiddo. Gonna have to wait in the car again.”

==

            Meeting Amy did not go well. She was killing on Eve’s orders. All the monsters could hear her in their heads. And the mother made it clear she wanted as much chaos as possible. Amy and her son had been living off brains from the funeral home but she couldn’t put her son in danger by defying Eve’s orders. If she disobeyed the mother would know and come after her son.

            Sam sympathized with her. Dean was less inclined to but Sam dogged him into admitting, that he’d probably do the same thing if Sammy was in danger. Sam tried to reason with Amy, tell her that they could lock her up somewhere until Eve was gone.

            She kept waffling, not giving an answer. Sam wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but it was pretty obvious she was sub coming to the voices in her head. The second her claws came out, Dean stabbed her. Sam was pissed but she had been in the same room as baby Sammy, so Dean didn’t apologize.

            Her son hadn’t killed anyone yet. They ended up sedating him and getting him secured in one of Rufus’s old safe houses with several weeks worth of food and water. He didn’t know where he was so he couldn’t tell Eve and Sam promised to come let him out after they killed her.

==

            Blathazar apparently traveled back in time to unsink a big boat and save a bunch of people. But then Fate wouldn’t let them do that so nothing really got accomplished.

==

            After raiding the Campbell library they found lore that said phoenix ashes could ‘burn the mother’. But the only mention of a phoenix ever was in the past, so time for angel time travel.

            “Calling Castiel, we might have something on The Mother of All here. So… yeah come when you can.”

“That’s it?” Bobby said disbelievingly.

“Dude’s busy.”

“So are we.” A whine came from the child seat sitting on the table next to Dean.

“Now you’ve woken him up,” Dean criticized and reached over to rock the carrier back and forth.

“What do you need?” Cas appeared beside Dean.

==

            Dean got back from his supply run to hear Cas say they only had twenty-four hours.

“Then we better get you a watch.”

“What the hell’s all that?” Bobby frowned at the bags he carried in.

“We are going native, got to blend in.” He tried to pass one of the bags to Sam. But his brother looked unimpressed.

“No, thanks I’m fine.”

“Sam.”

“Dean, I can wear this.”

“And look like a space man?”

“Look, just because you’re obsessed with all that Wild West stuff…”

“No I’m not.”

“You have a fetish.”

“I like old movies.”

“You can recite every Clint Eastwood movie every made line for line.”

“Even the monkey movies?” Bobby joined in.

“Especially the monkey movies.”

“The animal’s presence was rather farfetched,” Cas added.

“And you’ve infected, Cas.” Sam gestured at the angel.

“I’ve been educating Cas. He’s also seen Star Wars.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily compare those two experiences,” the angel wasn’t helping Dean.

“Did you buy him clothes too?”

“That’s uh…a private thing,” Cas answered.

“No, eww! Sorry I asked.” Sam made a face.

“Just take the damn shirt.”

            Sam obediently put on the shirt. Dean happily wore the whole ensemble. “Daddy’s going back in time for a day, can you be a good boy?” Dean affectionately wiggled his fingers at Samaria which made the baby smile.

“I will care for Samaria while you are gone,” Cas volunteered.

“You sure?”

“It is my offspring.”

“Kay, just remember to feed him.”

==

            Castiel carried his infant with him. He held Samaria when he answered Rachel’s summons. She was concerned that he was working with Crowley. He had to assure her that he had no intention of returning the borrowed souls. They were still in the middle of discussion when Raphael’s forces attacked. He and Rachel were both skilled but the skirmish ended with Rachel dead and Cas bleeding.

            He flew to Bobby’s, injured but still holding his unharmed baby. Fortunately, the old hunter knew enough to take care of the infant while its parent rested.

==

            They had five phoenix ash shells, the Impala, Cas on board, and Sammy in the back seat. They were as ready as they would ever be to go Mother of All hunting. The problems started when everything in the town looked normal. Then Cas couldn’t fly.

“I’m powerless.”

“You’re joking.”

“Something in this town is affecting me, I assume it’s Eve.”

“She took your mojo? Is Sammy okay?” Dean reached over to the child seat to check on his baby.

“I feel my grace but I can’t control it. Similar to…paralysis. It shouldn’t harm Sammy.”

“Great, well I was counting on you getting him out of here if Eve showed up. Without your power you’re basically just a baby in a trench coat.” Cas pouted and looked away from Dean.

“I think you hurt his feelings,” Sam added.

“I offered to take him shooting, he said he didn’t need it.”

            “Found something,” Bobby interrupted.

==

            Something strange was going down. There were new monster hybrids dead all over town. They ended up having to kill the whole turned sheriffs department except for one that they tied up for interrogation. Sam and Dean also found Dr. Silver’s two son’s in the holding cell.

“Dean, can I have a word?” Cas said when Dean was talking to the two boys. “We need to find Eve now.”

“Go, me and Sam just got to make a milk run.”

“We need you here.”

“Hold your water, we’ll be back in a few,” Dean shrugged him off but Cas didn’t let him walk away.

“Dean, Dean! You’re right I can’t defend our child without my powers. If we’re attacked while you’re gone…”

“I’ll be right back.”

“Dean.”

“I just want to save a couple kids.”

“Unless we kill Eve they won’t be safe no matter where you take them.”

            “Hey,” Sam snuck over to where they were arguing. “How about I take them?”

“What, by yourself?”

“Dean, you’ve got your own kid to worry about.” Sam nodded to the table were Sammy sat dozing its child carrier.

“Splitting up is unwise. They will be safe enough with us until Eve is dead,” Cas continued.

“I don’t like it.”

“I can drive them no problem.”

“And what if you get jumped by starships? No.” Dean wasn’t thrilled but Cas was relieved.

==

            After some imaginative interrogation, they got Eve’s location. Ironically, the dinner they ate at earlier. The three kids got left in the Impala, Sam and Dean entered the dinner, and Bobby and Cas waited to follow in case they needed backup.

            Eve greeted them while wearing a waitress. Her restaurant full of goons closed the blinds and took their guns. Eve, however, just wanted to lecture them on how pissed she was that Crowley was kidnapping her monsters.

“I was pushed into this, after all a mother defends her children.”

“Really? You’re going to use the mother of the year defense, you?”

“It just so happens to be true. I thought you might understand. But I guess you’re just the distant father figure to little Sammy.”

“Leave him out of this.”

“My children are involved. Don’t believe me? Maybe if I look a little more like this.” She changed to look like Mary.

“You bitch,”  

“She died for you, didn’t she? See, you know a mother’s love. I’m no different.”

“Alright, you know what, this conversation is over, if you’re going to kill us, kill us,” Dean snapped.

“You? No, it’s Crowley I want dead.”

“Get in line.”

“Any idea why he’s killing my babies?”

            She told them about her beef with Crowley and how she was using this town to experiment making monsters. Then she boasted that the kid Ryan was actually her monster masterpiece. Back in the Impala, Sammy made a confused little hum as Ryan lunged at his brother’s throat.

            Eve wanted Sam and Dean to help her kill the king of Hell. Dean said no, that’s when her minions marched in Bobby and Cas through the side door.

“So much for your plan B,” Eve mocked. One of the monsters set Sammy’s baby carrier down on the dinner counter. “I’m older than you, Castiel, I know what makes angels tick. As long as I’m around, consider yourself unplugged.” Cas just glared at her. Eve smirked then flounced over to the baby chair.

“Don’t touch it,” Cas growled but got yanked back by one of the guards.

“Even I have to admit, you’re pretty cute. I like my babies with claws and fangs, but you’ve got potential.” Sammy’s three heads blinked up at her.

 “Hey, you’re dealing with us,” Dean demanded.

            Eve grinned and gave Sammy a little wave before walking back over to Sam and Dean. “Work for me. It’s a good deal.” Dean purposefully goaded her until she was looming over him. “Don’t test me.”

“Bite me,” he smirked. The three other’s struggled with their captors but Cas was the only one to verbally express the shared concern.

“Dean!” But the mother moved away choking on the phoenix ash Dean had swallowed ahead of time.

            With their leader down, the monsters started snarling and lunging at necks.

“Close your eyes!” Cas warned before lighting up the entire diner and setting off a nearby car alarm. Along with the noise rose the sound of Sammy squealing in delight.

“We need to take you on more monster hunts,” Bobby eyed the dead bodies.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam said breathlessly while the baby kept laughing

“I think she turned me into a Jefferson Starship,” Dean grunted while holding his bleeding neck. Cas touched his shoulder to heal him then pull him closer for a kiss. Sammy waved all six limbs about while shrieking happy baby noises.

            “Dean, its eyes are open,” Cas said after quickly kissing the hunter.

“What?” Dean turned to the baby. Its tiger face was now looking about with bright blue eyes. “He likes your smiting.”

“Uh.” Sam reminded them they needed to find Ryan. Back outside they found a trail of blood leading from the open back seat across the street. They found the two boy monsters dead thank to demons. Apparently, Crowley really didn’t like Eve.

==


	4. four (sorry for lame title names)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> end of season six, first episode of season seven

“We ripped up the rules, leaving nothing but freedom and choice. My emotions, feelings for Dean, I could barely comprehend them in my own mind. I wasn’t to act on them, regardless of Sam’s blessing. But when he stood before me, his soul signing in longing…I could not deny him. I’ve never been able to deny him anything.  
“I thought highly of myself, I see that now. I would set my brothers free and be everything Dean desired, family, a lover, an angel, a father… I fear I have overreached.”  
==  
Dean was driving when crying started to come from the backseat. Dean groaned but then Cas appeared in the rearview mirror.  
“I’ve got it.”  
“Hey Cas.”  
“Hello Dean. How are you?” He lifted the baby and held it to his neck so it could feed on his grace.   
“I’m alright how are you?”  
“I heard Samaria crying. I regret I can’t do more for its care.”  
“Don’t sweat it. You’re fighting a war and are still around more than our dad.”  
“Where’s Sam?”  
“He’s keeping busy. Helping Bobby interrogate a few demons. I’m just on a supply run. ”  
“Instigating a fight with Crowley could be dangerous.” Sammy gurgled and Cas rocked it in his arms.  
“We need to stop him from opening purgatory, don’t we? You fight the ninja turtle, we’ll keep Satan Jr. off your back.”  
“That is…thoughtful.”  
“Cas, you’d call right,” Dean looked in the mirror at his angel and baby. “if you get into real trouble?”  
“Dean,” Cas sighed.  
“Yeah?”   
“I was arrogant. Hubris led me to start this war, to think I could protect you. That you would be happier with me.”  
“Whoa! Hey, none of that. Don’t start that crap. We’re here now, we need to deal with it.” Sammy burped and flailed its wings. Cas looked at it sadly. “I see that, don’t you dare call our baby a mistake. You don’t get to say that.”  
“I worry that it will have been born only to be die.”  
“Nobody is going to die.” Cas didn’t look convinced. He set the baby down and strapped it into its seat before disappearing. Sammy whined. “Don’t worry, Daddy Cas will be back soon.” He didn’t sound convinced either.   
Sam and Bobby were having a conversation with a demon playing hunter, and doing a pretty good job of it.  
“Hey,” Dean greeted, coming inside with baby and shopping bags.  
“Dude,” Sam frowned and shooed him away from the prisoner.  
“What?”  
“Sammy shouldn’t be here.”  
“He doesn’t know what’s going on.”  
“You shouldn’t desensitize hir to screams either.”  
“Alright, if you’re going to be a bitch about it,” Dean grumbled and carried his baby back outside. “Sammy’s gonna learn to appreciate the Impala unlike his Uncle.”  
==  
Apparently, there was a demon version of Bobby now that demons were hunting. He chose a meat suit that even looked a bit like Bobby, it was pretty damn funny. Bobby didn’t appreciate the compliment, though. The dispatcher smoked out while they were ganking his minions. Fortunately all his papers were left behind so they knew where to find the other demons pretending to be hunters.   
==  
After a frustrating number of demons, they got a secondary location for the dispatcher. Before they could pack up they were jumped by three demons out of nowhere. Dean was knocked flat on his back before he even saw the demon. He assumed Sam and Bobby were in similar situations although he was too busy being punched in the face to notice anything other than the demon looming over him and Sammy’s startled wailing.   
Just when he tasted blood, Cas zapped in and smote the bastards. Three demons down and he went right over to Sammy and picked it up. “Are you alright?”   
“We’re good. Nice timing, Cas,” Dean got to his feet.  
“Yeah, thanks man,” Sam agreed.  
“You are my family,” Cas said seriously.  
“We still get to say thanks.” Dean patted Sammy’s heads, trying to help Cas calm the infant.  
==  
After going through mountains of papers Bobby and Cas decided Lovecraft might have known something about purgatory. Cas had fluttered back to heaven a while ago, leaving just them humans to search for purgatory.   
They went and talked to a nerd that lived in his parents’ basement. Why were there so many ways for raising Sammy to go wrong? What if he turned into this guy? A demon jumped them while they were in the basement. They chased it off and Bobby got to tell the geek, “Never friendly!”. Things seemed to be going just fine until they got back to the car. It was a nice day and Sammy had been asleep so Dean left it napping in the back seat. Except, the back door was open and kid wasn’t there anymore.  
“Sammy?!” Dean was officially living a parent’s worst nightmare. It got worse when Crowley called Dean’s phone to gloat. Don’t leave children unattended in cars, back off purgatory, ignore Dean’s threats, hang up. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he had been this mad. He could barely see straight.  
“Cas, Babe, I fucked up, I fucked up big time.” He barely even flinched when the force of a trench coat wearing truck shoved him against the Impala.  
“You lost our child!” Dean didn’t resist, he deserved it. “Do you know what the soul of a nephilim is worth? What they could do to it?” Cas looked ready to strangle him and simultaneously cry his eyes out. For a tense few seconds they all stood there, Sam off to the side looking concerned. After a moment the anger deflated out of Cas leaving him to just look crushed.  
“I’ll fix this,” Dean said softly as a promise. “I’ll get Sammy back.”  
==  
Balthazar showed up to help. Still a complete ass but he made himself useful. “Hey, I delivered the kid didn’t I?” Bobby kept on finding Purgatory ahead of the demons while the rest of them focused on the rescue mission. Crowley didn’t have the baby super guarded. He just wanted to slow them down, after all. With two angels, one of which was full of smiting fatherly furry, in their corner they got it done.   
Which left Dean cuddling his distressed infant and chanting apologies to a baby that didn’t understand words yet. Cas wrapped himself around them both.   
==  
Bobby had a rough time of it with all the demons trying to kill him but Rufus helped and they discovered Bobby’s lady friend was actually a creature from purgatory.  
==  
Apparently, Crowley also found out the doctor was from purgatory considering she went missing. Hopefully she could hold out until they found her. Sammy was being fussy, apparently still upset over getting nabbed by demons. Couldn’t really blame the kid. Dean didn’t care if it made him look like Mr. Mom, he now took Sammy everywhere in a pouch-carrier-backpack thing-whatever-it-was-called.  
They traced the doctor’s cell phone only to find her bleeding to death in an alley. As if things couldn’t get worse, Crowley and his minions showed up to carry off the doctor’s body. Crowley got right up in Sam’s grill and did something that made him collapse.  
“Sammy!” Dean caught his brother before he hit is head on the pavement and stood over him with the demon knife ready to stab the bastard. Baby Sammy gave an indignant tiger squeak.   
“Figured it had to be that. You don’t escape the pit so easily.”  
“Crowley,” Dean growled.  
“Something you can’t shoot your way out of,” he sneered then disappeared.   
==  
Sam was comatose, Cas not answering, and Crowley getting ready to open purgatory. Dean sat watching over his brother.  
“Dean, ya’ kid’s hungry.” Bobby approached while carrying a failing Sammy.  
“Then feed him.”  
“Son,” Bobby came over and handed him the baby bundle. “Take care of your kid. I’ll watch Sam.”   
“I’m not cut out for this. What the hell am I doing, Bobby? Hunters don’t have kids. We sure as hell don’t have happy endings. You think I’d know that.”  
“Bit late for that, ain’t it?”  
==  
They couldn’t see the struggle going on in Sam’s brain or the woods where Balthazar and Cas were hiding.  
“Dean’s calling me,” Castiel panted while holding a bleeding gut wound.  
“Damnit, Cassy, worry about your own hide.”   
“I’ve failed…” Balthazar shushes him as things get brighter around them.  
==  
Dean is giving Sammy its bottle and nursing his own bottle of alcohol. He was halfway to the bottom when two naked people appeared just outside the door. Dean made an undignified sound and dropped his drink in favor of a gun. Sammy squealed with disappointment as Dean jumped up and its bottle fell away.   
“Hi!”   
“There you are!” The man and woman both shouted happily and came forward, arms outstretched to hug him.  
“Cupid?” Dean backed up a step but they tackled him anyway.  
“I can finally thank you in person. You brought love to the angels.”  
“Champion of love!” They thanked him while lifting his feet off the floor in an awkward, naked group hug.  
“Mew?” Sammy protested the squeezing.  
“Okay, off. Off!” Dean held the baby away from the grabby angels. “What do you want?”  
“We’re here to help.”  
“We’re on the side of love.”  
“Right, got that.”   
Bobby came back downstairs before Dean could get any more answers. The cupids then had to naked charge the older hunter, who naturally tried to flee for his life.   
“What the hell? Don’t touch me!”   
“Hey, hey!” Dean tried to regain their attention. They ignored him and Bobby’s attempts at punching them. “Are you here to help or what?”  
“Oh yes. Nobody pays attention to us.”  
“We’re just cherubs, we can’t even carry people.” They finally put Bobby down.  
“You’re angels?”   
“Cupids.”   
“Get to the point,” Dean tried to hurry this along.  
“We found where the demon king is hiding.”  
“What?”  
“They didn’t stop us from following them.”  
“Where?”  
“I wrote it down,” the man proudly held out a piece of paper. Dean reached for it but then paused.  
“Where did you keep that?” Bobby snorted and grabbed it anyway. “What about Cas?”  
“Oh I don’t really know.”  
“Big fights today.”  
“This war is just awful.”  
“So awful. Our brothers are killing each other,” they started to tear up.   
“Right, okay,” Dean hurriedly tried to prevent the waterworks.  
“It’s so sad. I have to go look for him. What if Castiel is hurt? Love can’t end like this!” the woman wailed then disappeared. The man sniffled a bit before turning to Dean.  
“Is there anything else I can do?”  
“No, no, we’ve got it from here.”  
Dean and Bobby secured Sam in the same room and Sammy nearby also protected with wards. It didn’t sit well to leave his baby but he couldn’t really take it either. He set Sammy up with a clean diaper and kissed all three heads before saying goodbye.  
==  
Crowley was getting set up for the spell when Raphael and his backup angels fluttered inside. Cas was held upright, bleeding but still alive. The cupids had told Raphael Crowley’s location in exchange for Castiel’s life. Crowley immediately went to hashing out a deal that won’t have the arch angel smite him.  
Raphael was willing to give him one because he would ‘soon be Lucifer’s problem.’  
==  
Sam managed to struggle to consciousness. He grabbed the note Dean left, nodded to the baby, and staggered out of Bobby’s basement, making sure to lock the door behind him for Sammy.  
He made it outside when two angels appeared. They didn’t honor him with a hello or threat before drawing their blades and coming closer. Sam wobbled in place, not even able to get into a defensive stance.   
The nearest angel barfed light with the high pitched death screech that meant he’d been stabbed with an angel sword. The corpse fell to the ground and revealed someone Sam didn’t recognize. Just about six feet tall, dressed warm shades of brown, hand gun holster strapped to each thigh, and silver angel sword comfortably held in one hand. The lightly tanned, youthful face graced Sam with a grin before spinning round. An elegant twirl brought the stranger’s angel blade in a solid block against the second angel’s attack. No fear or hesitation, the newcomer grabbed the angel’s wrist, twisted, kicked him in his gut, then followed up with a stab between the eyes. The newcomer had a long light brown braid with the end pinned up with a silver barrette so the rope of hair formed a loop. Somehow the hairstyle didn’t look overly feminine, the guy pulled off the appearance, Sam noticed aidlely.   
“Who?” Sam blinked, still dizzy and disoriented.   
“Sammy.”  
“It’s Sam,” he corrected on instinct.  
“No,” the figure drawled with a slow shake of the head. Sam couldn’t tell if it was male or female. A loosely hanging vest hid any evidence of breasts and the cut of the pants didn’t display the configuration of leg muscles.   
“Sammy…Samaria?” He squinted. The androgynous figure’s mischievous grin widened. The sword disappeared under the vest and the nephilim came forward without any hostility in its stance.  
“Come on, Uncle,” the lean figure ducked under Sam’s arm. With one side supported by his niece/nephew walking became much easier.   
“You can’t be here.” Even while barely standing, he had to question this person.   
“Why not?” Sammy helped him place one foot in front of the other.  
“It’s not possible. The future, hasn’t…it’s not…there are,” he tried to form a sentence as Sammy shuffled them down the road.  
“Well, not possible for you. Or Pops, heh, that’d be Castiel. Dad and Pops,” Sammy continued it a deep voice that had a smoothness Cas’ did not.   
“Then how…”  
“Look, Pops bent the rules over a desk but the rules and I…we have a long term friends with benefits relationship.”  
“Oh god, you inherit Dean’s humor.” Sammy chuckled. “Where are your extra faces?”  
“Hidden. This is my human appearance, I can also pass for an angel.”  
“You look like Dean,” Sam mumbled, without much coherence.   
“On purpose. Not much point in looking like Jimmy Novak.” Sammy patted Sam’s hand that hung limply over his nephew’s shoulders. “If you could see my full angel form I’d look a lot like Pops.”  
“You’re a hunter?”  
“Sometimes. Whoa, there.” Sammy held him upright as he stumbled. “Come on.”   
“What are we…” Sam started but then got distracted by the shiny burette in his nephew’s hair. It was held in place with an ornate silver stick and whole thing engraved with complex symbols that he could recognize as Enocian but not read. Sammy’s hair looked really soft.   
“Hm?” Sammy prompted.  
“How…Raphael, can you beat him?”  
“I don’t need to. You will.” Sammy smiled and adjusted the hold on Sam to pull something out of a vest pocket.  
“What?”   
“Listen carefully, Uncle Sam. Going to need to use your old witchcraft skills for this one.”   
“On an angel?”  
“Don’t question, just repeat after me.”  
==  
Between Crowley and Raphael’s forces Dean and Bobby didn’t get very far. Their gallant effort ended with them lying on the floor near Cas. Which at least gave Dean the chance to fret ineffectually over the angel rather than pay attention to the impending doomsday.   
Crowley recited nonsense words at the blood painting. With an ominous glow, a swirling tunnel opened in the wall. Raphael looked far too pleased with herself as lightning bolts of souls came from the portal to absorb into her vessel. The humans had to look away from the blinding white. Cas tried to say something but just coughed wetly. When they could see again, Raphael looked even more stuck up and powerful than before.  
“It is time…” Raphael began what she no doubt considered to be an epic speech, only to be interrupted by Sam. Still fighting gravity, Sam leaned heavily against the door to shout out a spell. The angels and demons in the room just watched with amusement as he stumbled to the railing.   
“Sam, Sam!” Dean tried to stand up only to have a minion shove him back down.   
“Ain’t that a spell for making something more powerful?” Bobby squinted.   
“Lost your brain now, Moose?” Crowley sniggered. Sam ignored them all and staggered closer to Raphael to finish his spell.  
Everyone, Sam included, was surprised to see something actually happening. Black goo started leaking out of Raphael’s orifices, her abdomen swelled and twisted like something trying to get out. The angel muttered and shouted as if in a mental struggle. Crowely took this as his cue to leave and the angel minions just stood about dumbly.  
A minute later and something else was in control of Raahael’s vessel. It offered no explanation and only a brief sarcastic thanks to Sam before shuffling towards the exit. An angel got in its way only to be tossed aside. Not sure what else to do, what was left of the viewing party followed the strange thing outside where it walked into the lake and exploded.   
==  
With Raphael dead, eaten by strange creatures from Purgatory that were now loose on Earth, Cas was the defacto victor. Heaven had yet to rally behind him though, apparently the host was having some internal meetings now that the war was over. Sam slept a lot, not quite as freaky comatose as he had been previously at least. He moved in his sleep occasionally but Dean would feel better if he was up and about drinking himself into a stupor like he did after coming back from Hell.   
As to how Sam knew what to do to release the purgatory monsters, the general consensus was that regaining his memories told him what to do. ‘He spent time with Michel and Lucifer, it is likely they would know of the creatures and how to defeat them’ as Cas said. It was their best theory considering Sam offered in his lucid moments was “Sammy told me”. The baby didn’t collaborate this story.  
On the bright side, Sammy was okay. Everyone was alive, except Balthazar which made Cas sad. The purgatory souls had gone back to where they belonged when the black slime monsters exploded. Crowley had yet to show his face again. And Cas, while still nervous about Heaven was finally taking time to sit with his baby and play peekaboo. Or at least his weird version of peekaboo.  
“You can no longer see me. Now you can see me.” Cas narrated while moving a blanket over Sammy’s heads. “You can not see me but I’m still here.”  
Dean smiled like an idiot while watching this. The bliss was interrupted by a blond business woman appearing in the room.  
“Naomi,” Cas sat up straighter. “It has been decided?” Dean went over and picked up his baby, just in case the angel got any ideas.  
“I shall speak for the host. We will obey you, Castiel. Attempt your edicts of ‘free-will’ under one condition,” the angel paused for dramatic effect, or something like that. “When the nephilim comes of age, it will take command of Heaven.”  
“What?” Dean held the baby tighter but went ignored.  
“The host must have a leader. Surely you realize that by now. We are too divided over your actions, Castiel. But the infant is of two parents chosen by God, the Rightous Man and Castiel, returned to life twice. Formally ordered to death, a nephilim will be a fitting symbol for the new age. The Fates and Death confirm that it holds more potential than any of its kind before it. It will be our messiah, unify our cause, or we will never again be one people.”  
“You’re not going to turn my kid into new Jesus!”  
“Dean. Either the host will protect it or kill it.”  
“We have the chance to unify our brothers, if we don’t do this now the civil war will continue.”  
“You’re not raising my kid.”  
“Dean, they are my family.”  
“Aunts and uncles not…”  
“Two decades,” the angel interrupted. “Heaven must be repaired, Castiel will act as regency as we build the new order. In two decades the nephilim will take control of the host. This is our offer. It is imperative we enforce it now.”  
The hunter frowned and looked to Cas. “Dean?” he looked pleadingly at his human.  
“If we don’t, the angels will keep coming after us? Damnit, alright, fine. But only when he’s twenty. You don’t mess with him before then. No angel voodoo or talking to him or prophecy bullshit.”  
==

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bulk of the story is done, just going to add a wedding and some of my favorite episodes from seasons 7 and 8


	5. Chapter 5

Dean focused on digging up the grave. He paused and reached for his shotgun when he heard someone moving.  


“Knew I’d find you here.” Sam shown the flashlight in his face.  


“It’s a weak ghost.” Dean went back to digging.  


“Bobby was going to put Garth on it.”  


“I had time.”  


The little brother sighed. “What’s the big deal? You already live together, you have a kid.”  


“But we’re not married.” He kept digging to vent frustration. “We don’t get married. Any of us. Hunters don’t get married, angels don’t get married. But they’re throwing us a stupid big ceremony in Heaven, Heaven! What the hell?”  


“We’ve saved the world twice, we’re a big deal now. And you’re marrying into an important family.”  
Dean growled and tossed dirt aside with more force than necessary. “Then there’s you. How the hell are you up and about? By all accounts you should be a vegetable right now.”  


“I told you I’m dealing with it. And I don’t care how sick I am, I’m not passing up the chance to be your best man.” Dean kept shoveling. “Ellen, Jo, Ash, and Pamela are going to be there. No word on Mom and Dad yet.”  


“How’s that supposed to make me feel better? What am I going to say ‘Hey, Dad, sorry about letting you die and everything, but guess what, I’m getting married to an angel. Oh, yeah, and I let Sam die, twice.’”  


“I think they’d be more interested in meeting Sammy.”  


“Damnit,” Dean leaned against the handle.  


“I really think, you’re stressing out over nothing.”  


“It’s not nothing. ‘Here’s your grandkid, don’t mind the extra heads.’ This is so fucked up.”  


“For once, it isn’t the apocalypse. Nobody’s going to die this time. You think Cas is going to turn you down?” Dean just glared. “I get that you’re afraid of commitment, but you’ve got to admit, that ship has sailed. Its name is Samaria in case you forgot.”  


“You gonna to be useful? Get the salt.” Dean grumbled as he finished with the last layer of dirt over the coffin.  
==  


Dean wasn’t a chick, he hadn’t fantasized about his dream wedding. Still, he knew this was not what he wanted. The angels had planned this so they were standing in some deeply weird chapel with tacky decorations. At least Dean wasn’t the only one weirded out. Jo and Ash were running about and redecorating to the best of their abilities. Tossing out the creepiest angel busts and brining in vintage wine bottles and other things from their own heavens. Why they couldn’t just have this in the garden Dean didn’t know. Maybe the angels didn’t want their merry band loose in there, stuck up dicks.  


Ellen chastised the brothers for their general idiocy, cooed over Sammy, then kept busy ordering career hunters (Bobby, Rufus, Gwen, and others) into cleaning up and wearing proper wedding attire. She was the only one for that job.  


Sam had apparently told the angels about the tradition of not seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding. They’d taken this seriously and now had Cas off who knows where until the ceremony. Sam was way too smug about the whole thing.  


Everything aside, it wasn’t too bad. Joshua officiated, the angels kept their comments mostly to themselves, and Cas looked good in his tux. And if Dean caught a glimpse of his wings or glowing, giant, true form, well that was nobody’s business.  
The wedding gifts were alright, too. The angels took commissions for dead hunters who couldn’t go shopping themselves. Jo had badgered an angel into traveling back in time and brining back a few factory new body pieces for the Impala. Gwen could apparently sew and she made a plush doll version of Cas complete with wings and coat.  


As an added bonus, Cas, acting leader of Heaven, brought all their guests back to Earth with them even those who were supposed to dead. The rest of the angels let this pass as a one time deal only.  
==  


As for the wedding night.  
Pornographic moaning, the blankets pulled up to their waists just enough for modesty (or the tv14 rating). Cas lay on top, the way he was sitting left it to the imagination what position they were in under the sheet. His entire arm was buried in Dean’s chest.  


“Damnit feels so good.”  


“I know your soul intimately.”  


“Didn’t know married sex would be like this.”  
==  


The Levathans, the black goo monsters had a name. They were also impossible to kill. So far the angels had discovered exactly one full proof method. Remove head from body, throw body into the sun, drop head at the bottom of a deep sea vent. That wasn’t practical for hunters though, especially because the bastards were hard to get close to while carrying a machete.  


At least there were only a limited number of them and they had exactly zero allies. The demons hated them, the angels hated them, and every hunter with a pulse was chasing them down. And thanks to Cas and his standing orders to return any of the Winchester family to Earth from Heaven, death wasn’t a big concern.  
==  


Dean and Cas lounged in the hotel room, talking about Sam’s mental health. They’re both sitting on the bed, Sammy and a few stuffed animals spread out on the sheets between them. The kid held the headless tiger under one arm. The plastic honey bee Cas had searched several toy stores to find was in its other hand. Sammy made breathy noises as the bee repeatedly headbutted the large stuffed bunny.  


“I don’t think worrying over him will change the outcome,” Cas said. Dean sighed but then Sammy turned to him and waved the bee. Dean put on a smile and wiggled the plushy angel so its clothes and wings flopped about. Sammy giggled. Only when the kid went back to the other toys, did Dean continue the conversation.  
Both their cell phones chimed with text messages. Sam told them to dress up and bring Sammy a few blocks away to a church. Dean went in expecting trouble only to be greeted by Sam grinning ear to ear.  


“You don’t need that.” He took Dean’s gun away then hurried him and Cas to the front of the rinkydink cathedral. Still without explaining, he pined a pink flower to Dean’s suit and Cas’s coat and handed one to Sammy who accepted the plant with a squeal.  


“I’m love and I’m getting marred.”  


“…” Dean just stared.  


“Congratulations,” said Cas.  


“Thanks, Cas. Dean?” Sam looked expectant.  


“…when?” Dean managed. That’s when wedding music started. “The hell?” he gaped as a woman in a white dress started down the aisle.  


“I don’t understand,” Cas spoke up.  


“You think I do?” Dean hissed. Sam looked like he was about to pee his pants with excitement.  


“Don’t weddings require peroration?”  


“Not in Vegas,” Dean answered the angel. Sam beamed ridiculously and lifted the veil of his supposed bride.  


“Becky?” Dean didn’t see that coming.  
==  


“Shouldn’t you ask for my permission or something?” Dean paced and flailed his hands about after the rushed ceremony.  


“You want her to ask for my hand?” Sam asked.  


“That would be proper. I had your blessings,” Cas sat a few chairs away from the happy couple, pushing the flower repeatedly away from Sammy’s mouth but not taking it out of the tiny fingers.  


“Right should have known you’d be traditional, Cas. Sorry I didn’t ask. It was very sudden,” Sam didn’t stop being happy.  


“Sudden? How did this happen?” Dean kept shaking his head.  


“Short version? We, we met, ate, and fell in love and here we are,” Sam shrugged.  


“Guess I’m all caught up.”  


“You’ve met this woman before and not expressed interest,” Cas added.  


“Yeah, well, I see it now,” Sam smiled at Becky.  


“Okay, have you forgotten everything about your past relationships?”  


“You and Cas…” Sam started to say but Becky jumped in.  


“If anybody knows about that it’s me! I mean I read every book so open eyes, you know? Open eyes,” Becky said.  


“I’m going to be sick,” Dean was seriously feeling nauseous.  


“Look Dean it’s simple if something good’s happening I got to jump on it now, today, period.”  


“That seems, out of character,” Cas remarked. “There is no reason to fear for your life at this point in time.” Sammy was now eating the flower with its bee face, which Cas didn’t put a stop to.  


“Have you even made sure she’s…” Dean waved at the woman.  


“Salt, holy water, everything. See?” she showed him the nick on her arm. “Not a monster, just the right girl for your brother. That’s it.”  


They were interrupted by a man coming with the check that Becky offered to take care of.  
“You two do your brother thing,” she said with an annoying smile before walking off.  


“Really? Superfan99?” Dean couldn’t hold it in. Nor did he believe Sam was suddenly over the ‘whole book thing’ and in love with the crazy girl. Cas stayed quiet.  


“Dean,” Sam stood up, tired of this. “I know it took you, like, years to marry Cas so how about this? Becky and I are going to go up to her place in Delaware. Why don’t you try to wrap your dome around this get a little supportive then give us a call? See ya’ Cas, Sammy,” he nodded to the angel on the way out.  


“Nammama,” Sammy called in response from its human mouth, the tiger face was dozing and the insect one still eating petals.  
==  


Dean gave Bobby a call as Cas packed their few things into the Impala. “Couldn’t have backed me up a bit more in there?” Dean addressed his husband after hanging up.  


“I’m uncertain what form of love enchantment she is using and confronting Sam while he is like this won’t do any good.” Cas buckled Sammy into the car seat and came around to the passenger side.  


“But we’re on the same page with Becky setting this up?”  


“I suggest we hurry before she attempts to mother his child.”  


“Oh god.” Cas was right so Dean gunned it.  
==  


Dean knocked on the apartment door bright and early, prevent any morning sex. Oh, bad image. Cas stood right behind him, holding Sammy. Dean gave Sam the waffle iron and apologized for not being supportive, Cas was right non-confrontational with the love-potion guy.  


“Samaria saved this for you, as well,” Cas held out the withered stem of the flower. “It didn’t want to eat the stem.”  


“Uh, thanks little buddy,” Sam smiled.  
Dean eyed the apartment for anything suspicious but nothing stood out. Becky was in the adjacent room, with a board on the case Dean had just caught.  


“You’re working this case, together?”  


“Yeah I know right? I guess all those Chuck Shurley books paid off.” Sam’s enthusiasm hadn’t gone away.  


“Alright, listen Cookie, I don’t know what kind of mojo you’re working,” Dean glared at Becky, screw non-confrontational. “But believe me I will find out.”  


“Dean that’s my wife you’re talking to.”  


“You’re not even acting like yourself, Sam!”  


“Dean,” Cas stepped in and dragged the hunter away with a hand on the shoulder.  


“What?” He grumbled as he got pulled away from the other two.  


"There’s nothing here. If it is a spell she’s casting it’s somewhere else,” Cas whispered.  


“Still could be a witch,” Dean went to walk past him.  


“Aggravating them won’t help.”  


“Well, it’ll make me feel better.” Cas sighed but let Dean argue with his drugged brother and new sister-in-law a little bit longer.  


“Hey, Cas,” Sam called as he and Dean were heading towards the door. “Thanks for being supportive.”  


“Uh…you’re welcome,” Cas said with a bit of apprehension then followed Dean outside.  


“I don’t want another hunter, Bobby, why can’t you do it? Yes I got Cas, I want someone seasoned, no offense Babe. Ugh fine, what’s his name?” Dean said into his phone as they walked back to the car.  
==  


“Hey, you Dean and Cas?” they were greeted by a scrawny guy at the restaurant. “I expected you to be taller.”  


“I’m six one,” Dean frowned.  


“Wasn’t talking about you.”  


“My true form is…”  


“More awesome than he can comprehend, we know. I’m guessing you’re Garth.” Dean handed him the newspaper but he turned it to the funnies.  


“Oh Marmaduke, you’re crazy!” Garth laughed.  


“He, he understands those drawings?” Cas looked to Dean.  


“Guess so,” he sighed.  
==  


Campers were dying in New Jersey. Sam and Dean talked with the head ranger, who seemed oddly stoned. Bobby and Cas met them at the restaurant. Bobby didn’t recognize anything from the remains. Cas couldn’t sense anything weird around town. Sammy was dozing against Cas’s chest.  


“Lunch?” Dean offers and tries to grab a waiter.  


"Hey douchwad the hostess will seat you, do I look like a hostess?” said, Brandon, the rude server.  


“Do you want to look like a hostess?” was what Dean came back with.  


“That didn’t really make sense…” Sam pointed out unhelpfully.  


“Sure hope we don’t get Brandon’s section.” Bobby added. Cas just looked confused.  


“Sidewinder supercombo goes to Big Bird.” Because of their luck Brandon set their plates in front of them. “TDK slammer to Ken doll. Not actually on the menu burger, to Mr. Mom. And a little heart smart for creepy uncle.”  


“What is your problem?” Dean asks.  


“You’re my problem!” Brandon points then flounces off like a drama queen.  


“Moo,” Sammy makes a baby noise.  


“There is something wrong with that man,” Cas says.  


“Yeah no kidding,”  


"I meant supernaturally so." ==  


Sam was playing with the radio dial.  


“Just put in a tape.”  


“My namesake needs a wider music experience.” The radio paused for a moment on an obnoxious host with a thick accent.  


“Oh hell no,” Dean complained. But then the DJ started talking about suspicious deaths in a psychic town. “Sounds like something.”  


“I thought we were taking it easy.”  


“We’ll call it a vacation. Hey, want to go see some psychics, Babe?”  


“A human with psychic powers can be very dangerous.”  


“See? He’s on board.”  
==  


“Special agent,” Dean confronted the bearded guy that kept watching him. “This is the second maybe third time I’m seeing you today? Why are you following me, gingerbread?”  


“Oh so…we didn’t have a thing back there, huh?”  


“What now?”  


“Sorry man, I thought we had a little eye magic thing back at the quad. I saw you here thought that I’d wait until you were done with your meeting…”  


“Uh, no. Married,” Dean held up his hand, “no moment.”  
==  
Sammy loved the golem. The two year old squealed happily and reached for it from Deans arms. He should probably be worried about the kid’s survival instincts considering it didn’t even flinch when the golem shouted.  


“Not to be rude but what is that?” Aaron asked.  


“My half-angel baby.”  


“Half-angel?”  


“Yeah, the hubby is an angel, as in badass solider of the lord.”  


"Pops." Sammy agreed. 

“Angels do not concern themselves with the troubles of man,” the golem grumbled while still walking patrol.  


“Cas does. Why are you so squirmy today?” Dean muttered as the toddler wiggled in his lap, not sitting still enough for Dean to drink the beer Aaron had handed him.  


"Play! Play!"

“Do you think he’ll mind if…” Sam waved at the golem. “I think zhe wants to say hi.”  


“I don’t know,” Aaron wasn’t thrilled.  


“Hey!” Dean tried to drink his beer which gave Sammy a chance to slip away. It screamed and toddled after the big clay man as he did laps of the house. The golem ignored the whole thing and Sammy wasn’t getting in his way so Dean just shrugged. They talked with Aaron while Sammy followed a few steps behind the golem babbling baby nonsense at his back.  


The next day they were sitting around the table, Sammy on Dean’s lap. Aaron admitted to having smoked the pages of his grandfather’s book. Justifiably, the golem shouted at him then stormed off.  


“Aarraarraarr!” Sammy, still not afraid, gave its best tiger roar. Adorable little guy.  


They were doing research when Nazi bastards swarmed the house. Sam and Dean had guns pointed at them, Sammy growled and swore, because Dean and Bobby hadn't yet figured out how to keep the cussing under control, but one of the dicks just pushed the kid over with his foot. The Nazis had done some studying since last time and new how to disarm the clay man. Fortunately Aaron grew some balls and hit the leader in the head with a table leg when he turned his back.  


While they went outside to burn the bodies, Sammy pouted at the powered down clay man. By the time they came back in, the kid had managed to shimmy half-way up his leg, flapping its wings for balance. Dean pried the little fingers off the pant leg so Aaron can give the thing his scroll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote. Except I have another Supernatural fanfic in the works, and it's much better written than this one.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from a song. Seemed appropriate


End file.
